Date: 08/16/2013 1:57 AM Title: Starfleet
I enjoyed the prologue and this seems really promising. Though I question Spock's age and I do realize that he's developing to express his emotions, but he seemed to be in his teens in the first chapter so it was abrupt when he called Amanda Mummy. I can see Mum if is he's about 10 or 11, Mummy just feels very young to me.
As for Starfleet HQ or Spock in school, I guess the question is whether you want focus more on Spock or Amanda right now. If Amanda, then Starfleet HQ, especially if you want to really develop Amanda/Pike, but school if you want to develop Spock.
Date: 08/03/2013 12:41 AM Title: Starfleet
I just found you story today, and I have read what you wrote so far and l like it. I do not mind that you have Spock learning to be more human, but I do hope that he will keep to learning to be Vulcan as well. I have always like it when he would find that balance between both and just be himself, Spock and not what others want him to be. I think you are writing Amanda just right because even though she is grieving badly she does have a lot going on and she knows that she has to make a new life for Spock and her self. You could probably write a little more about how Spock is seeing San Fransico for the fist time and then jump a few years ahead to see him maybe attending Star Fleet Academy as a cadet. I do see that you have not updated since January, and I do hope that you will be coming back and updating your story and finishing it up because I think you are doing a really good job here. :)
Date: 07/19/2013 11:37 AM Title: Quashed
I am literally crying here.
So much sadness :(
But hope for the future!
Keep tugging our heartstrings like that, and you'll become even more awesome :)
Awwwww thank you! That's really nice of you to say! I'll try and keep it up :)
Date: 01/20/2013 4:17 PM Title: Starfleet
I don't think you made Amanda too happy. Even someone grieving the loss of a loved one can't think of them exclusively and Amanda has so much going on right now with the move and putting on a positive face for Spock - you did her just right! I enjoyed the chapter and thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do it! :)
Phew! I got a bit worried, I did not want to overplay anything. That makes me feel much better actually, thanks :) I will endeavour to write the next chapter by the end of my half-term which starts on the 15th so... I am really bad at updating regularly, I am kind of panicking actually, my beta keeps shouting at me to write and I CAN'T D: Aaah well, sorry for ranting at you after your shining review :)
Date: 01/20/2013 2:50 PM Title: Starfleet
I really love this. Especially a more human Spock. Can't wait till he meets Jim and Bones. Very interesting. Yay.
Oooh yes, Bones... I am trying to work out how to time everything, so we will have to see, especially if I am keeping to Spock's POV... Thank-you for your beautiful review, it really helps :) Yay.
Date: 12/27/2012 3:07 PM Title: Smiling to the Future
I like the story so far but I am sorry to see that Sarek had to die so soon in Spock's life but I know that Amanda will help him not only adapt on Earth and learn about his human side, she will also see to it that he will learn his Vulcan heritage in honor of his father. I hope that you will let Spock and Jim meet early in life and have them start their relationship as friends first because I believe that makes for a stronger foundation in you life long Spouse but that is my opinion. I do hope that we will see an update soon.
Well the thing is, the prompt suggests that Pike sets them up, so I dunno, maybe... I am hoping to strike some kind of equilibrium, since it is AU, so I can do stuff like that *evil smile* Thank-you for the review, it makes me happy :)
Date: 12/08/2012 2:18 PM Title: Smiling to the Future
Oh how wonderful, thank you for taking on my challenge and doing it so well! I'm sorry I didn't leave a review for each chapter, but I was soooo excited I couldn't stop. You're doing a beautiful job and I love it, especially the way young Spock is not only supporting his mother, but also learning to use his human half to comfort her. I loved the cinnamon toast in bed, no matter where the idea came from and I love that he called Amanda 'mummy.' You have my unending grattitude and a big *BEAR hug* for taking this on. Thank you again and am looking forward to more very soon! :)
Haha thank-you! I am glad you like it, it gives me a big boost :D Sorry about the really slow updates, I am trying to work out where to go next, but I have an idea so, hopefully! XD Thank-you for the challenge, I am really bad at plots, so I just went through the challenges trying to find one that I would/could do sooo.... Yeah XD
Date: 12/07/2012 8:06 AM Title: Smiling to the Future
Hm, I like your writing but I'm not finding the character of Amanda completely plausible or relatable. She doesn't seem like the one from the tv show and I'm struggling to understand how she comes to a decision to go to Earth given what she's thinking about her understanding of her obligations towards Spock. I'm not saying there are no plausible reasons but it just doesn't seem to follow from what you show us of her decision-making process.
I'd like to see you write something where Sarek is still alive, btw. I know it's the prompt, but you seem to like him as a character so I'm interested in your take on his relationship with Spock, for example.
I'm also of the opinion that you don't have to gloss the Vulcan terms because they were already clear from context. At any rate, they're the same fanon terms that have been all over the internet for a while now and are easily googled if it's unclear (which, I reiterate, it is not). The Star Trek people paid a linguist to create a Vulcan language but that work has never been published and what's floating around online was done by amateurs with an interest in either Latin (in the case of one lexicon) or Japanese.
Thanks. Well, first of all, this is meant to be set in Abramsverse so... Also, I figure that if you lose your husband/soulmate/bondmate, you would probably change quite drastically for at least a short while. The emotional and mental pain that Amanda must have been going through, for me, made it possible to make her maybe slightly OOC? Maybe? I also figured, that since there was subtle, Vulcan bullying and mockery of both Amanda and of Spock, that they would both want to get off of there. Also, the memory of Sarek in their house could have been painful for her? That was my thought process anyway, I hope that is helpful.
Umm, yeah, I guess I have not really thought much about it, I just wrote about him how I see him, especially in Abramsverse with the 'You have always been a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this'. But yeah, maybe after this, which I am really bad at updating, I could do something along those lines. I am really bad at coming up with plots though so...
I hope that was helpful, I did not want to sound aggressive or anything, because I find concrit really helpful so yeah :)
Date: 12/06/2012 3:15 AM Title: Quashed
Poor, poor Amanda. It is so heart-wrenching when either of them dies.
I love Spock calling her "mummy" and the cinnamon toast
I agree. It was quite hard for me to write, as I haven't really experienced any 'real grief', but I thought I'd try to make it as realistic as possible. The cinnamon toast thing was from a fic I read a while back on here, set in Abramsverse, where Amanda used to make Spock cinnamon toast and it became his comfort food when she died. I can't remember which fic it was, but I liked the idea, so I hope I didn't offend anyone by stealing it... The whole "mummy" thing was something I found funny myself, and thought I'd add it in, even if no one else found it entertaining, I'm glad you liked it.
Date: 12/05/2012 11:31 PM Title: The Stitch
I'm really impressed with your writing, particularly your skill in capturing the "feel" of the characters. Sarek, Spock, and Amanda are all spot-on. Looking forward to more chapters! Keep up the good work!
Thanks! I try to make a lot of effort to research information that I'm not sure about. I should be uploading another chapter soon, hopefully it will be up to scratch!
Date: 11/29/2012 10:38 PM Title: The Stitch
You have me hooked. I like the flow. Interesting premise. Kind of sad. Please continue.... :~)
Thank-you!! It really helps to know someone likes it :) I'm planning on making this quite a long one if I can ever find the time... I'll try to stay up to standard ;)