Date: 08/29/2013 1:53 PM Title: Chapter 1
A sequel, please!
And yep, how about Spock getting some action Hamlet-style, but with a happy ending? Because badass Spock is for the win ;)
heya, thank you very much for the review!
I'm thinking about the sequel on and off. There will definitely be more badass!Spock, because he got the short end of the rope in this story XD I'm not sure, though, when I'll get to it. Hopefully this year, though!
Date: 03/12/2013 11:03 PM Title: Chapter 3
How sweet! I'd though this would go more like Hamlet but I was pleasantly surprised.
hey, thanks for the feedback!
awww I'm glad, that I could surprise you! I strife to go out of the way of expectations xD till next time!
Date: 03/08/2013 8:54 PM Title: Chapter 3
LOL! I loved it! :P Great work, darling! Jim's song was hilarious, so, so utterly cheesy and adorable. King of the jesters indeed.
And thanks for this review as well!
it WAS cheesy, wasn't it? But it was so perfectly Kirk xD glad you enjoyed it <3
Date: 03/08/2013 8:42 PM Title: Chapter 2
WTF SPOCK!!!! Do something you blistering idiot!! Oh..sorry...there's a next button, isn't there?
Well, no one ever has to tell you anything twice do they? I didnt' see ONE punctuation error, meaning AWESOME STORY IS AWESOME!!!
Hey, thanks for the review^^
LOL. The hate for spock xD love it
I do my very best :D you made yourself the work of correcting me... The least I can do is accept it LOL
Date: 03/08/2013 7:30 PM Title: Chapter 3
Tsss.. wollt ich doch tatsächlich in englisch schreiben erstmal...
Dein Happy End gefällt mir sehr gut. Schließlich muss es auch Sarek einsehen. Grins. Also bekommt der Prinz einen König. Lol.
Würd aber schon gern noch wissen, was aus dem bösen Onkel wird...
Würde es Sarek schon gönnen, dass er auch wieder ein bisschen Freude findet...
Freu mich auf Neues von Dir.
Heyho, danke für dein review :D
haha xD muss spock ihn jetzt wohl mit eure hoheit anreden. Das würde jim gefallen *gg*
ich denke im sequel wird man vllt mehr von sjinn erfahren... Er ist ganz lustig als böser... Wäre doof gewesen, ihn gleich ins off zu katapultieren :). Ob sarek sein glück finden kann ohne amanda? Hmmm
Date: 03/08/2013 7:23 PM Title: Chapter 3
King of the jesters? Very clever indeed. I adored this whole story and the ending was wonderful.
Hey, thanks for the review :D
hehe... Jim is nothing, if not clever x) glad you liked this little piece!!
Date: 03/08/2013 11:32 AM Title: Chapter 2
Damn, that's sad! In a good fairytale, the Jester would go of and become a hero and rich and be acclaimed King of Somewhere..
I find Spock a bit wimpy here :(.
Sarek sounds as if he's being slowly poisoned--is Uncle Nasty gonna rob the throne and imprison Spock? Hey then James can rescue him and they can rule together!
Sorry about going on like that--it's that you really capture the reader.
I love the "taste" of your story, kind of ancient and troubadorish.
heya, thanks for the review :)
Well... we'll soon see, what Jim is going to do :D ...
You think Spock is a bit wimpy? hmmm yeah... probably in the last bit >.ö he's a bit overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events, the poor guy; and its hard to decide wether one should side with family or with the lover.
Let's see what the uncle and the king are up to x.x something is definitely not right. very suspicious!
hah no problem, I really enjoy reading your thougts :D very entertaining^^ and I'm happy you like the style of this little tale... I wanted to go for something new after 'Strength' and I may have succeeded :D
next and last chapter either today or tomorrow :)
Date: 03/07/2013 8:30 PM Title: Chapter 1
All characters very well drawn. And nice horse! :-)
I love the description of the Vulcan kingdom..don't suppose it's reality-based..?
hey, thanks for the review! :)
haha I just could not write a universe where James T. Kirk is without his Enterprise... XD glad you approve of it LOL
I'm afraid the Vulcan kingdom is not reality-based : / they are too nice to survive in the 'real world', without their superhuman strenght a kingdom this passive probably would've been conquered really fast... but I really like them as well :D
Date: 03/07/2013 2:59 AM Title: Chapter 2
This is really good! I like Jim as "The Jester". That is inspired :)
heya, thank you for your review!
I think he is perfect as a Jester-with-attitude... somehow that is James T. Kirk in a nutshell xD... when I listened to the song this is inspired off, I immediately had this little tale in mind. :)
Till next time! :D
Date: 03/07/2013 2:50 AM Title: Chapter 2
Omg, so good! Poor Jim's pride... But I have a feeling he will find a way to become a king and with his power/riches/people help the vulcans in their time of need!
Maybe he'll marry a queen and she'll die or something... Maybe he'll get a kingdom in the new world. He'll find a way!
Nooo, not halfway over already! Yes to a sequel!!!
huhuuu, thank you for your feedback!
awww I'm glad you like it :D I really try to incorporate Kirk's and Spock's charactertraits as much as possible... so it SHOULD hurt when Kirk gets thrown out of the castle like a ruddy dog xD
I think the solution will be pretty... fascinating x3 but I agree: Jim'll find a way. stubborn bastard that he is!
it's so sweet of you, that you don't want it to end just yet x3 *hugs*
Date: 03/06/2013 9:17 PM Title: Chapter 2
Knew their romance wouldn't stay hidden for long. Now, go get that Kingdom and riches, Kirk, then come back and get Spock! Enjoying this immensely so far! ~ RK
hellooo, thank you for your feedback :)
would've been too easy if the romance had been hidden until the end of time :D Let's see how the Jester will manage THAT one... kingdoms usually don't fall into your lap x3
till next time! I'm very happy, that you're enjoying this :D
Date: 03/06/2013 6:34 PM Title: Chapter 2
Das ist ganz schön traurig.
Aber da du ja die Aussicht gibst, dass es ein kleines Märchen ist, rechne ich fest mit einem Happy End.
Na da bin ich mal gespannt, was Spock einfällt, um seinen Vater umzustimmen, bzw. was Jim einfällt um Sarek eines Besseren zu belehren.
Freu mich auf mehr...
huhu, danke für dein review! :D
ja ich weiß nicht... ich rutsch immer ins dramatische ab xD aber okey... es würde ja auch ziemlich langweilig sein, wenn alles einfach 'friede-freude-eierkuchen' wäre x3
ich liebe happy ends *flüster*
ja mal sehen, was jetzt mit den beiden passiert... huh!
bis zum nächsten mal :D
Date: 03/06/2013 4:04 PM Title: Chapter 1
Good old European traditions, a very nice fairy tale, hope they will happily live after. I think you did a wonderful job because it isn't easy to express yourself in a language which is not you mother-tongue. About the punctuation, it's true, you applied rules that are correct in German and Dutch! Wish you a lot of inspiration and thank you for sharing your stories with us!
heyaaaa thank you for your review!
fairy tales and mythology are the best! and the Germanic branches have some of the best I think ^.^ I'm so happy that you like this itty-bitty tale! that's true, I did a mash-up of every punctuation possible XD... but in the 2nd chapter I tried to apply what Pamdizzle taught me, so... yeah :D hopefully my effort wasn't in vain x3
No problem, I love to share my fantasies with all of you! until next time <3 *kisses and hugs*
Date: 03/06/2013 3:57 PM Title: Chapter 2
I adore the scene between Spock and Jim, as Jim recants his tales for the prince, but I was heartbroken when Sarek threw Jim out of the Kingdom, but as a history major I think Jim got off light... But still so sad. I cannot wait for Jim to come back and win Spock back. This is a delightful tale.
hey, thanks for the review!
I'm glad you liked the scene between Spock and Jim. originally I let it end after their little talk about the mother but I had the feeling they needed a bit more bonding... and the reader needed a more in-depth understanding about the dynamics of their relationship :)
you are totally right - he got off very light. he had luck because was dealing with Vulcans that are rather peaceful creatures. At another court he would've been sent to the gallows...
let's see how he fares in the future...
Date: 03/05/2013 3:35 PM Title: Chapter 1
Ok. Hatte heute endlich Zeit zum Lesen.
Du hast mich neugierig gemacht.
Und ich hab natürlich auch ein paar Fragen...
- Hat dieser misteriöse Onkel mit dem Tod von Amanda zu tun.
- Weiß Sarek von Spock und Jim? Immerhin freut er sich ja auf ihn, und lässt ihn kommen.
Also ich warte mit Vorfreude auf die Fortsetzung.
Hallöli :D danke für dein Review!
freut mich, dass du auch hier wieder an board bist.... Es wird eine sehr kurze Story werden (drei oder vier Kapitel), aber sie wird potential für eine Fortsetzung haben, glaube ich xD...
Jedenfalls was die Fragen betrifft.... Zumindest eine von ihnen wird im kommenden Kapitel beantwortet werden <3 *wie wunderbar nichtssagend, haha*
bis zum nächsten mal! *drück*
Date: 03/05/2013 2:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is great. I adore a well done AU and this one has so much depth to it already. I cannot wait to read more.
Heyaaa, thank you for your review!
I'm so glad that you like how this is developing^^ it's going to be a rather short story, but I try to make it as immersive as possible, so it doesn't seem rushed :)
Date: 03/05/2013 3:48 AM Title: Chapter 1
I'm definitely interested in seeing more. I just love these types of AUs, ones that Kirk and Spock back in time. You have a great penchant for detail in description and I think you did a great job of describing the world for the story.
Now, to the not so fun stuff. I know that English is not your first language, though I must say you command it very well. Now, I admit I'm not familar with your other work, I didn't get a chance to take a look at it (I plan to in the next couple of days, however) but I did notice some issues with punctuation that were consistent throughout the story which suggests to me that aren't as fluent in that area as you are the language.
I just want to run you through, very quickly, some of the rules for punctuation with quotations and attribution as they relate to the errors I noticed in the story.
“Do I get my treat now?”, he whispered
^^Let's start here. Note the bolded area of text above. Quotations are often tricky for a lot of writers but once one has a handle on the various rules of punctuation for quotations, practicing these rules are quite easy.
The punctuation here is half correct. The question mark is properly placed within the quotation marks ("") That part is correct. It is ALSO correct to leave the attribution lowercased after the question mark and the closed quotations. The comma is what makes this attribution incorrect. It plays no usable role here. When exercising a question mark or an exclamation point within a quotation, the comma is no longer needed. Omit the comma.
“You are so perfect for me... Have missed you... Over two months, James, over two months...”,
^^The elipses, like a question mark or an explanation point, mitigates the need for a comma in this instance. The forms of punctuation--the question mark, the period, the comma, the exclamation point--are all ways of marking pauses in the flow of words. To have the elipses as well as the comma is redundant and incorrect. Omit the comma.
“You’re right. Come – up we go.”, he murmured and clicked with his tongue.
^^Okay, and here we are going to discuss the most important rule of all. There are two things wrong with this. The first, is that you have used a period at the end of a quotation BEFORE the attribution ('he murmured' is the attribution here). When you are attributing speech, it is more correct to use a comma than to use a period and never both at the same time. The period should be omitted.
And that brings me to the biggest 'no, no' that is actually repeated in all three of these examples, and that is the comma on the OUTSIDE of the qoutation before an attribution. The comma Always, always, always, always goes on the indside of the quotation marks UNLESS you are leading with the attribution rather than following with it.
To help better explain what I mean, here are some examples of a correct attribution for this excerpt:
"You're right. Come--up we go," he murmured and clicked with his tongue.
OR, you could write it this way:
He clicked with his tongue and murmured, "You're right. Come--up we go."
Now you see the difference of how the commas are used in both forms. In the second example, you can see that when leading a quotation with it's attribution, the comma is placed BEFORE the quotes and OUTSIDE of them. Whereas in the first example, the attribution follows the quoted text, and so the comma is placed within the quotations and replaces period. The attribution then begins after the closed quotations.
I hope this is helpful, and not discouraging. This is the first of your work that I have had time to sit down and read and I enjoyed it despite the errors I found. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :) <3
bonjour! thank you for you review :)
my dearest Pamdizzle <3.... I can't thank you enough!... you see, I never learned the punctuation of the English language in school. They always said we 'should not concern ourselves with it'. And so I started some strange mashup of German puncutation (we are so ANAL about that - comma everywhere) and some other thing. Don't even know what xD
I'll try my very best to do it right in my future writing and if you should ever read 'Strength' you'll have to squint a little at the dialogue, I'm afraid, because you will find the errors over there of course...^^'''
Till the next time :) *hugs and kisses*