Date: 04/03/2013 2:43 AM Title: Chapter 1
Don't change it unless you don't like it! It's really fun for me as a reader to see words used in different ways, and I think it's an important strength for a writer to come up with new ways of using words. Anyway - not meant as criticism - just a comment. Not all readers would read it 'my' way. Boy look at all my typos in that review. Ouch.
*laughs out loud* Don't worry about it! I take all the feedback I can get, being that I'm a new fic writer. And I'm still learning. You see, after years of writing research papers, I'm just now getting back into creative writing. So, I will sometimes use non-poetic words by accident. Luckily, I have an awesome beta to help me lol.
Thank you again for the feedback :o)
Date: 03/31/2013 11:17 PM Title: Chapter 1
This was very enjoyable. You've got some lovely word choices and imagery here. I especially liked 'shades of mint and honey' and 'Those eyes, drenches with love and sensuality, hunger for him.' I did have one uncertainty on what you intended in the last paragraph, fourth sentence. At first I thought 'They long' referred to Spock's eyes - but then the second part of the sentence was 'as well as the Vulcan lvoer possessing them, so I thought no - it doesn't refer to Spock's eyes. That's my only quibble. Thought this was a really fun idea and you conveyed both POV well. Oh - kind of like and dislike both the use of the word 'entrenchment' - always like to see words used in new ways - keeps things lively! But was almost too distracting if you know what I mean.
Thank you so much for posting this! I will enjoy reading more of your work.
Thank you so much for your feedback. I will have to look at that paragraph later to see what you're referring to and reread it. And the word "entrenchment" is kinda heavy, so I see myself changing it for something more poetic. But I'm glad you enjoyed nonetheless. I had fun writing it.
Date: 03/07/2013 10:20 PM Title: Chapter 1
Nice :) I think your last sentence really makes this.
One minor point - you don't need to capitalise captain, officer (and, I presume, t'hy'la) in this context, and I find it vaguely irritating that you have. Something to be aware of next time :)
Thanks for the head's up. I know better next time.