Date: 07/25/2016 10:55 PM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
This was fun!
One thing you might want to re-think: Jim Kirk is from Iowa, so he's unlikely to use such Britishism as "bollocks," "bloody," and "arse." A mild curse word for Americans (instead of "bloody") would be "damn" or "damned" (depending on context). It's "ass" in the US, not "arse." And most Americans have no idea what "bollocks" even means. :-)
Thank you, that is really helpful when I have a moment I will make the changes. I appreciate the feed back very much.
Date: 05/23/2013 1:55 AM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
This is a good story! I like the idea that Jim is able to get some sexual satisfaction (though not enough pleasure) from the whipping! I also like that Spock is not only willing to acquiesce to Jim's Kink, but to actively particpate and enoy it.
As for constructive criticism, I would suggest trying to use less sesquipedalians in your writing as it tends to clog the flow of your story, and also at times makes it seem as though you were using a thesaurus as you were writing. Especially since sometimes you use words that might not mean quite what you are trying to say. Such as "responding with enthusiasm to the pheromonal emissions of his proximal mate." "Proximal" implies that Jim has multiple mates and Spock just happens to be the one closest to him, which, of course, is contradicted by the fact that Jim does not want to commit infidelity even though it would get them out of prison safely.
Big words are awesome, but using them just to use them hinders your writing.
However, overall, you have a very good writing style with a solid grasp on grammar, and are miles above the majority of internet authors. Your plot moves along nicely and you ablely weaved the flashback into the story.
Hi I thought I responded to tumour really thoughtful and thought provoking review so apologies, I must have typed it and deleted! Thank you for your comments, encouraging, and helpful. I really appreciate your thoughts. Words fascinate me but I admit sometimes I decide what I think a word ought to mean and thes forget that. I might be off message!
Date: 05/13/2013 8:46 PM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
i love the way you dove-tailed that so perfectly with canon. very enjoyable read. please do that some more; you're very good at it!
there is just one thing though in terms of concrit - i noticed it in the 'jim loses his voice' tale too: you tend to use 'loose' instead of 'lose'? if it has two o's it makes something slack. if it has but one then you've lost it :)
Oh thank you for your kind words and your helpful observation on my slack spelling. I will watch out for that error.
Date: 05/13/2013 12:12 AM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
gah. this certain started a warm "glow". Love Jim's fanatasies. Especially love the last scene. thank god I have a great imagination.
Thank you so much for the review, glad you liked it. Spock will go to extraordinary lengths to please Kirk!
Date: 05/11/2013 8:39 PM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
Duh..maybe I wasn't checking for errors or non-sequiturs--I tell Nomad if I see it.
For my part, you can write another right now! Delicious!
I am trying to finish the two I have posted a WIP! Thank you so much for the review.
Date: 05/11/2013 2:03 PM Title: Your pain, my pleasure
I liked your "after the episode" story and it was all quite believable. Good pacing and the story moved along well. If I had any criticism, it would be your punctuation. Missing commas in places and using commas where I would have used periods. Otherwise, I think you're in pretty good shape, and I enjoyed it.
Thanks, really helpful. I am rubbish with commas my beta tells me! Sadly her real life dramas are keeping her away from my fictional ones!