This is oddly erotic... in a horrifyingly hillarious way.I also commend you for being the first author to whom I have had to apply that description. Kudos!
Read this over--still hilarious--and oc this time knew right away what the stalk was...go figger.
I did, however, have to look up "felching" again--denial? Squik!
OMG: Has anyone ever gotten TMJ from laughing?
I'll admit I had to look up "felching"--but--ah--"the hard red stalk"? It must be in there among the spacepickles and the blue fruits...somewhere.
I just love this story (and it's sequel). Just too funny. You are a fabulous writer. :-)