Reviews For Jealous Bone
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Reviewer: nml Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/03/2016 5:17 AM Title: Chapter 8

I was very excited to see a new post from you! And i really enjoyed this chapter, especially the dialogue. Thanks for finishing and Happy Holidays!

Reviewer: laustic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11/30/2016 4:50 AM Title: Chapter 8

This is very hot.

Reviewer: newaunty Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11/29/2016 7:13 AM Title: Chapter 8

:-D :-D :-D

I still think it's hilarious that we're all hanging here, and you just forgot to post it!

I could feel that things weren't working with this fic, and now you've described the problem, yes, I can see how it fails on that front. I don't want to heap platitudes on you and drivel on about how it doesn't matter if you didn't like it, it's still really, really good - because this is about you, this is your fic and your vision, and you're the most important critic of your own work.

But it was still an enjoyable read, you just stretched the resolution bit out over a few more chapters than you'd planned. And added in another mini-climax (or lack of) for good measure. I can definitely see that you're not happy with the last chapter, and at the beginning of this fic, if you'd asked me how the last chapter would go - well actually, the very last chapter probably would've been something like this, but the intervening fall towards the end would've been much different. As would the climax, I definitely didn't see chapter three coming before it hit! The first chapter was amusing, the second got more serious, and then in the third you drove us off a cliff! Definite success up to that point! If you were aiming for five chapters and the first three worked, does that make it 60% successful?

In terms of how I liked it - a very great deal. It took me very much by surprise, and Jim and Spock both behaved in ways I wasn't expecting and didn't find very attractive, but that's what good fiction does, it challenges your view of the world, and the characters you think you know - if it didn't, there'd be no point to it. Part of my attraction was also, of course, the anticipation of the next chapter and the unpredictability of when it would arrive. On that note, the last chapter scores very highly! My enjoyment was slightly soured by your obvious frustration, but not enough to make me dislike the fic at all.

Thank you for finally posting this, I now live in anticipation of those other WIPs you have! Cheers!

Author's Response: Oh, I even think the first four chapters worked as I intended... Then it took me four more to fail. I think that is 50%

. Thanks for the encouragement though!

Author's Response: Oh, I even think the first four chapters worked as I intended... Then it took me four more to fail. I think that is 50%

. Thanks for the encouragement though!

Reviewer: Nightshade sydneylover150 Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/12/2015 3:50 AM Title: Chapter 7

I hope you continue this wonderful story in the near future!  Thanks for giving us something wonderful to read!

Reviewer: Charlie0925 Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/25/2015 10:32 AM Title: Chapter 7

Fantastic writing here hon!  I literally want to ram there heads together at this point.  Again, great writing hon, I truly cannot wait to read more! ;o)



Reviewer: ousoonerfan Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/01/2015 4:24 PM Title: Chapter 1

Love the new chapter!! :)

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/01/2015 12:40 AM Title: Chapter 7

This was the best chapter yet. Wonderful to see each of them going beneath the defenses they've constructed around themselves and finally being relatively honest with each other. It was great to see them doing real work together, too. The debate between Spock and McCoy before Kirk made his decision was perfect -- exactly what Roddenberry intended when he created the three characters. I wish Kirk's success had been a little less lucky and a little more earned, but his "We're going after them" was Kirkish enough to satisfy me. 

I so much admire your control of narrative in this story. Telling it from Kirk's point of view works so well. Because we don't see into Spock's head, we don't really know what he is thinking. This creates an factor of uncertainty and unpreditability that is very effective in propelling the story forward. I feel that I am always on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what Spock will do next.

Author's Response: I considered a more Kirkish solution, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't need an Orion bunny trail at this point. Thanks for your comments!

Reviewer: Nightshade sydneylover150 Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/31/2015 7:40 PM Title: Chapter 7

You have a lot of wounds to heal Jim.  Please tell me we're not going to see Paul again anytime soon though.  I don't think Jim can handle him right now either.

Reviewer: LEGOLASION Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/29/2015 6:36 PM Title: Chapter 7

Sorry I'm not very good at writing in English
Last night I read your fic charm think your way to tell is great and that Jim was jealous but I thought Spock would liabilities
Do not let updating I look forward to the next chapter

Reviewer: M E Carter Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/27/2015 10:17 PM Title: Chapter 7

Finding this new chapter yesterday absolutely made my day! Like newaunty, I’d been growing somewhat concerned, so am happy to know that nothing is amiss.

The opening scene was believable, if somewhat painful to read. I wasn’t sure what to expect following the cliff-hanger at the end of chapter 6, but a happily-ever-after resolution on the spot would have seemed way too good to be true. Jim still struggling to get out of the hole he dug and Spock still hurt – and yes, furious – makes sense to me. I likewise appreciate the realism of the rest of the chapter, the acknowledgement that their relationship can’t simply return to normal overnight. I also love that you characterize them as mature enough to continue interacting civilly and professionally despite the tension between them.

As always, I can’t wait to see where this story goes next…and I never wish for a story of yours to be over soon!

Reviewer: AshayaTReldai Anonymous starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 9:26 PM Title: Chapter 1

Wow! You've had some amazing reviews for this story, and rightly so. You write so well.

I don't believe the scene in chapter 6 means a happy ending is irretrievable. Difficult, yes. Not impossible.

Our boys need to communicate more, and Jim needs to grow the hell up... What a stupid git to chuck Spock off the ship in a fit of pique!

Yet the way you've written both characters (and McCoy) leaves plenty of scope for developing the ability to communicate and tenderly give themselves to each other...

I'll look forward to seeing what you do from here.

(Can I confess myself jealous at the reviews you've received? ;-) There's some excellent feedback here, and Dunyazad... wow. Just... wow.)

Author's Response: Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you're enjoying.

And yes, I have some incredible feedback, and well-thought-out responses with a lot of substance to them. I think some of the reviews are more interesting than the story!

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 8:12 PM Title: Chapter 7

So I'm finaly hugged by your story in the end. ;-)

Author's Response: lol I'm glad it didn't disappoint. Not quite done yet though, so don't get too comfy ;)

Reviewer: PaintedBird Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 1:55 PM Title: Chapter 7

I hadn't read this before and so read it all in one gulp.  Your characterizations of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are pretty accurate, and I can see the situation with Paul happening.  I will be looking forward to the next installation.

Author's Response: Well, I hope you enjoyed the binge at least :-) Thanks so much for your comment!

Reviewer: newaunty Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 5:06 AM Title: Chapter 7

Thank you thank you thank you for updating this, best Australia Day present everI!  was actually starting to worry if you were OK.

The conversation at the beginning of the chapter wasn't what I expected, although having said that, I don't know what I was expecting. I'm hopeful now as to what's about to happen in the next chapter - I think they're maybe about to have the beginning to their relationship as it should have been.

Thank you again.

Author's Response: You're welcome! I totally did this in honor of Australia Day. Seriously. I absolutely knew it was Australia Day when I posted. *shifty eyes*

I'm touched by your concern. The holidays just got a little crazy and, well, I had to come to terms with the story before I could write it. Tally one up for the fiction. It totally got away from me.

Thanks for the comment!

Reviewer: nml Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 4:26 AM Title: Chapter 7

Great chapter and best chapter in the story! It just came together really well, the tone was sincere and mature. I loved that Bones was upset w/him, too and that they all reverted to their better selves when it became important.

I'm so glad you didn't abandon this story and kudos!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it hit the right notes. And no, I didn't abandon it. I just had to get over myself and my nice, neat little plan. ;)

Reviewer: laustic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 01/26/2015 3:26 AM Title: Chapter 7

Very enjoyable chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/28/2014 3:01 AM Title: Chapter 1

I couldn't agree more with newaunty's comment: "You know you've found a really good fiction, and a really good author, when the reviews are becoming essays in themselves!" A shining example is newaunty's analysis of Chapter 6 on November 4, 2014, which I found extremely insightful. 

Since reading the last chapter, I've found myself thinking about how Spock must have felt, having written the letter to Kirk begging him to let him stay on the Enterprise and confessing his love for Kirk and not knowing that Kirk had not read the letter. He must have been in a terrible, dark place at that point. I can certainly see why, as T'Dazz said, "I think Spock was more hurt and pissed than even he realized." 

Like newaunty, I am concerned that they can't salvage a relationship from here, and I take to heart T'Dazz's comment that she may have written herself into a corner from which a happy ending is not possible. But I have hope. To me, it would seem that the way forward for both of them is to dig more deeply into the truth of their feelings about each other -- past the inauthentic layers of infatuation, attraction, jealousy and (perhaps?) desire for conquest that they've felt in the past. Kirk's discovering that he desires Spock's happiness more than his own might be a good place to start. It would be tragic if they decided to leap off the hangar deck when all the elements of a profound relationship are there, but perhaps not analyzed or udnerstood sufficiently by either of them.

I learned the term "unreliable narrator" from Wayne C. Booth's classic work on literary criticism, The Rhetoric of Fiction.  I think that Professor Booth coined the term. I learned a lot about how to read literature from that book. I like the term "unreliable narrator" because it suggests that even if a character totally believes in his own point of view, if you take that character's perspective at face value, you are likely to be led to erroneous conclusions. It's sort of like the analysis a court might make when distinguishing between a witness' credibiilty and his or her reliabily. A witness can be credible but not reliable. Similarly, a narrator may be motivated by an honest desire to tell the truth but still lead the reader to erroneous conclusions.

I invoked the work of Prof. Wayne Booth to talk about why this work of fan fiction has proved so rich and thought-provoking. For what it may be worth, this excerpt from Prof. Booth's obituary in the New York Times may shed some light on what I mean:

"But to Professor Booth, literature was not so much words on paper as it was a complex ethical act. He saw the novel as a kind of compact between author and reader: intimate and rewarding, but rarely easy. At the crux of this compact lay rhetoric, the art of verbal persuasion.

"The author's task, he argued, was to draw readers into the web of narrative and hold them there. The critic's task was to tease out the specific rhetorical devices - linguistic, stylistic, symbolic - by which this was accomplished. To describe the intricate, shifting dance between author and reader, he coined a number of critical terms that are now common parlance, among them 'implied author' and 'unreliable narrator.'"

Thanks for taking us on this dance, T'Dazz. I hope you finish this story, wherever the characters' path may take them. 

Reviewer: newaunty Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/16/2014 9:36 AM Title: Chapter 1

Oh no, I never thought she was criticising you! If I didn't realise exactly what an "unreliable narrator" referred to before, I certainly do after reading her wonderful comment about it. I like your example of "A Beautiful Mind" though, it's closer to how I consider it too.

Merry Christmas!

Reviewer: newaunty Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/04/2014 10:26 AM Title: Chapter 6

I'm sorry, I have to add this - Dunyazad, your comments on this fic are incredible, and for the rest of my life, when I read the reviews of any novel, if I see the author described as an "unreliable narrator", I will picture that poor person dying of shame to read that opinion of themselves! (I know that's not actually what your comment was about, but I've seen exactly those words in a review before, and not realised the literary meaning of it.) I'm not making fun of you, I'm honestly appreciative of your wonderfully in-depth reviews. I just had to tell you.

Author's Response: In utter defense to Dunyazad-- I don't believe that she (?) is describing me, as the author, as an 'unreliable narrator'. It's a literary technique, when the point of view of the story is limited by the perspective of the character whose point of view is being expressed. Our conversation earlier was about whether I'm writing this as an 'unreliable narrator' (which I consider to be of more limited scope than Dunyazad) or a 'third person limited'. To me, an 'unreliable narrator' is deliberately misleading-- classic example to me is the movie 'A Beautiful Mind', where the writers/director chose to tell the story more from Nash's perspective, and if the viewer doesn't understand a key component of who Nash *is*, then the story takes on an entirely different meaning. I don't take offense to it at all. I'm flattered when people recognize techniques like that in my stories, and I find it enlightening to see how others perceive my attempts.

Reviewer: newaunty Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11/04/2014 9:55 AM Title: Chapter 6

I notice you haven't replied to a single review of chapter 6, so I figure October must've been really busy or really rough for you. Hope things are looking up, whichever it is.

You know you've found a really good fiction, and a really good author, when the reviews are becoming essays in themselves! It's been entertaining just reading them while waiting for the next chapter.

After re-reading several times in the last month, I've finally got my head around it enough to sort out my thoughts. I am so glad Spock uttered that last line - it reassured me I hadn't completely got the characters all wrong in my head.

I felt the tone of the story really change when Spock got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. At that point it suddenly seemed to start moving along faster than I'd expected, and then going in a direction I hadn't anticipated; then it progressed to making me uncomfortable - both for the almost non-con element and because I felt both characters were suddenly out of character - by the end it was just awful and I didn't see how they could ever rescue their relationship (or even their friendship) from that place.

I get that it wasn't Kirk's finest hour not to walk out the door - I also see that while Spock's thought of how Warren would have behaved wasn't a challenge, Kirk took it as such. They're both completely exhausted and have been emotionally wracked over the past 24 hours - hardly surprising that both of them do things that would be better left undone.

I think that Spock was being completely truthful when he said, "This is a fulfillment of sexual desire which is frankly hindering my ability to consider the matter rationally." But I also think he didn't account for how much his emotions would overtake him in what he - intellectually, at least - considered to be purely a physical act.

I felt he began to lose control of the situation at that point, and I'm sure there was a sense of revenge that overtook him at some point - probably not helped by Kirks thoughts - but the whole thing escalated so far, and in such a direction, from what he'd intended, that he reached a point where he couldn't continue. And hence, "This is not what I wanted."

I still don't know if they can salvage a relationship from here, but but it's a whole lot better place than if Spock had intentionally set out to punish Kirk. In my head - well I don't know, actually, but I won't be surprised if they try to put this situation behind them, set a time to discuss it more rationally (I haven't forgotten Kirk needs to be on duty imminently) and try to begin working on how to repair their friendship and hopefully move towards a relationship.

I can see quite a few ways the bare bones of that can play out, with a lot of sidetracks and sub-plots along the way, but I hope that's the direction they go in. I'll be pretty devastated if they decide they've both hurt each other too much to try and continue - that is, of course, your prerogative. Also, I selfishly hope there'll be a more enjoyable sex scene before the end, but that's for my benefit, not necessarily the story's! I really don't want you to "wrap it up" - I want it to go on and on!

Thank you for this beautiful work, that has made me think so deeply.  You make the world a better place by sharing your words with us.

Author's Response: Seriously, it has been a crazy fall. I'm really touched that you noticed. Thanks for all your comments.

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