Reviews For What Remains
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/11/2015 11:07 AM Title: Chapter 10

“Since I have an eternity to try and occupy.  I’m going to need a few hobbies.”  He winks at Jim. “You know, it’s fascinating, really. The culture, the language, and the history, all of it.  Vulcans are pretty private though, so it’s a pain in the ass finding any info.”

Oh gosh, Gary is here to so set Jim up with someone before he moves on isn’t he?  Either that or he’s really a Romulan spy playing with Jim’s head.

“If the small hesitations and tense tone are anything to go by, Jim thinks, Spock must be choosing his words very carefully right now. “

Well, Spock isn’t a native Standard speaker.  He might be first saying it in Vulcan and carefully translating every word that’s coming out of his mouth.   I wonder what caused Spock to do the 180 and apologize? 

“After all, it’s not Spock’s fault that George Kirk died on the Kelvin, not his fault that Jim’s subsequent birthdays have been overshadowed by this event, that he has lived too long in his father’s shadow.  It’s not Spock’s fault that Winona fled to live among the stars or that Sam left because he could no longer tolerate life with Frank.  None of the fall-out is Spock’s responsibility.”

It’s not Jim’s either but sometimes I think he still takes the responsibility on himself anyway.    

“He wonders how Gary did it.  How he made such a brilliantly fluorescent soup that tastes like nothing.  It’s beyond bland, the complete opposite of its appearance. “

I think people forget the Vulcan superior sense of smell and how that would ramp up their taste buds vs. humans when translating recipes.  LOL!   I think that’s why T’Pol always said humans were an acquired smell to Vulcans on Enterprise.  And by the original TV series Vulcans don’t have a lot of salt in their bodies either as least not compared to humans.  So they probably have very low tolerances for this toxic substance humans not only need but have a strong taste and super tolerance for.   So yeah their food is probably incredibly bland to us.   

On the other hand humans probably have much richer color vision range than your average Vulcan.  Probably why we find their color choices so boring.  

“Tomorrow, he promises himself, he’ll find Bones and make it right with him.”

 We all know the first thing Bones is going to do is stick a medical scanner in his face.   :)



Author's Response:

Hi HillsHollow,

Well, all I can say is that Gary isn’t a Romulan spy ;)

As we are seeing this story (so far) from Jim’s point of view, then we may never know what caused Spock to do a 180 and apologise (though maybe Jim should be apologizing too).  However, I suspect he’s taken a few days to think things over and this is the decision he’s reached for his own reasons (reasons which may become clearer over the next few chapters).

I think I probably should have watched more episodes of the original TV series (damn you, crap Sky boxes).  I mean I’ve watched a lot of them over the years and I love ST and the fanfic, but if I’d have watched TOS more closely I’d be more familiar with the canon (such as Vulcan’s needing less salt).  Which would help me consider details like, yeah, I bet we’d smell quite strange to them.

Ha! Bones isn’t going to be too happy when he catches up with Jim, that’s for sure.

Thanks HillsHollow, for continuing to read and taking the time to review.  I keep saying it’s appreciated, but it really is :)

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/06/2015 11:20 PM Title: Chapter 9

If I’d had a chance to watch them, I might have caught the hints about Bones.

The OTS hints about Bones were very subtle.  Remember the time.  Implying a Southern gentleman was something other than all white.   Not something the sensors would have let pass.   Hell, I’m still shocked they let the fact McCoy was divorced through. 

If I remember correctly Bones grumbled something about the Nazi’s not approving of his grandmother.  McCoy is a prominent Cherokee surname of the Blue Holly Clan.  Their clan color is blue.  And they’re charged with being the guardians of the sacred knowledge of gardens and how to turn plants in to medicine.  Bones had a few thrown away lines in the series about various family members’ gardens.   Cherokee are also known for their beaded jewelry which you see Bones kicking around with a string a blue beads under his uniform a lot.   Later on in the Star Trek the Motion Picture (it’s been a while) I’m pretty sure you see Bones wearing a Cherokee pendent (it kind of looks alien) that Cherokee symbols for a blessing for a journey.  It’s when he’s wearing that disco jump suit I’m pretty sure all fans wish they could remove from their memory.   And I could never get a good look at it but there’s a mask hanging on Bone’s office wall that could be a Cherokee Booger Mask.    

"I never even really noticed stuff like Jim wearing a turquoise ring, walking backwards a lot on Earth etc." 

Well the jewelry I believe are from the PR shots for the movie.  You don’t see Jim wear them in the actual movie.   It’s the shots of Chris Pine in the white t-shirt?   You see a simple silver disk necklace that has the symbol of the Thunderbird.  In another shot you see the blue of the turquoise ring.  And yes, Jim does tend to walk backwards a lot on Earth as he’s talking to someone.   He did it in both movies.  :)

  Do you mind me asking (you don’t have to answer), but are you Native American, or descended from Native Americans? Or is it just something you’re interested in? 

My Dad and Grandfather both served with a few and my Dad worked for the Veterans Administration and was assigned out west to a couple of the Reservations.  I probably know enough to be dangerous.  I know the cutual no-no's like you don’t meet an elder’s eyes without their permission, ect. 

But if you’re ever interested in getting a small taste of the Native American rather culturally warped sense of humor…. Google the song “Indian Car” you can find it on U-tube and see if you can find the movie “Smoke Singles”.  Though a “Indian Car” could easily be a Grad Assistant car too.  ;)

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/05/2015 12:50 PM Title: Chapter 9

“What you say about the Lakota is interesting, and it very much seems to fit in with Reboot Kirk’s view of the world.  Watching the movie, I didn’t realise that JJ could have been hinting at this.  It just never occurred to me, but then, I’m sorry to say, I don’t know much about Lakota culture and belief systems, so thanks for the info :)”

Well, JJ was having a lot more fun with the Hopi and Zuni legend of the ‘blue star’ in the first movie.  The blue star would herald the coming of the Earth’s 5th age and ‘twins’ one blue and the other red.  The red twin would bring with him from the blue star the ‘red star’ the destroyer of worlds.  When the news of a place high in the heavens is destroyed by tumbling down with a mighty crash.  Then Earth’s time of testing would begin.  The blue twin would fight at the side of True White brother and his band of rainbow warriors.  If they win Earth’s golden 5th age would start.  They fail the Earth would be destroyed.  

That’s kind of paraphrased but JJ was having a lot of fun with that particular legend.

Then take the shots of the Enterprise hovering over the Great Plains like the mighty Thunderbird.  Now the Lakota believe the Thunderbird is a being of the sky realm.  And people tied to them are of the sky realm as well.   That makes them Heyoka’s or sacred clowns.      

Anyway they believe that Heyoka’s are sent to lead their people to a new way when the old order crumbles and a new one is being built in its place.  Crazy Horse for example was a Heyoka.  The bad thing about Heyoka’s is they belong to the sky realm and the sky realm runs counterclockwise to the Earth one.  So on Earth then tend to do everything to phrase a dear friend of mine ‘a$$ backwards and sideways’ here on Earth.  It’ makes them rebel that test limits, ect.   I couldn’t help but wonder if all the shots we see if Jim walking backwards when he’s on Earth is another way JJ kind of hints at this. 

LOL!  Then take all the PR shots from the first movie of Jim either wearing a turquoise Thunderbird pendent or ring.  Oh, and turquoise another reference to the sky realm.  Many tribes believe turquoise is a part of the sky realm fallen to Earth.

Oh and if you never need a solid explanation on why Jim might go against Star Fleet Regs and bring Bones their doctor/healer on away missions.   In tribal society healers are too precious.   You’d NEVER bring a healer with you in a war party.  It’s one way to emphasize ‘We come in peace’.

Oh and from the original series hinted Bones might have some Eastern Band Cherokee in him too.  :)



Author's Response:

Hi there,

Wow!  None of this ever occurred to me while watching the reboot movies, though there’s no reason why it should as; sadly, I’m pretty ignorant of Native American culture and history.  I’m not much clued up on ST either, or at least not TOS.  I did Sky+ all the TOS episodes, but infuriatingly, the box went kaput and I lost everything. NO! Damn, cheap Sky boxes.  If I’d had a chance to watch them, I might have caught the hints about Bones.

I never even really noticed stuff like Jim wearing a turquoise ring, walking backwards a lot on Earth etc.  You do realise, I’m going to have to go back and watch the movies again now, to try to spot all these details.  Still it gives me another excuse to drool over Chris Pine :) never a hardship.

Do you mind me asking (you don’t have to answer), but are you Native American, or descended from Native Americans? Or is it just something you’re interested in? 

Anyway, thanks for the insight into a clearly fascinating culture, and how aspects of it have been interwoven into ST over the years.  

Take care :)

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/04/2015 1:53 PM Title: Chapter 9

Great chapter. The dynamics between Kirka nd Spock are getting very interesting, as is the mystery of Gary's supposed reappearance.



Author's Response:

Hi Dunyazad,

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a review :) These reviews make my day.

I’m really happy that you think the dynamics between them both is interesting. Hopefully, I can manage to keep it so, and that I don’t let anyone down in this regard.  But then again, writing a multi-chaptered fic is proving to be not as easy as I naively imagined when I started out 3 years ago (yes, 3 years!!!).  The chapters you’re all reading now have been sitting on my hard drive since 2012. (It's not that the fic is exceptionally long - though it is long - but rather that I'm a slow writer, and as a first time writer, there's a lot to get to grips with, pacing, dialogue, plot, characterisation, etc.  Thanks again to my beta, Fagur Fiskar, for keeping me from making too many huge mistakes). I just hope I don’t disappoint you all.

Gary’s reappearance, hmm, we’ll have to see how that develops ;)  (Again, I hope I don’t disappoint).

Thanks again, Dunyazad, for your thoughtful review :)

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/04/2015 12:00 PM Title: Chapter 9

“As he suspects, there are more than a dozen messages on the comm, most of them from Bones, each message becoming steadily more irascible in tone than the previous one.”

Hey Bones cares, Jim.  Besides he’s paid to put up and be nice to his patients during office hours.  Off office hours all bets are off.  ;) 

“Well damn, he’s Starfleet’s poster boy.”

I think that Star Fleet and Pike were probably the first stability Jim ever had in his life. 

“Fear in the face of certain death.  To accept that fear and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. Starfleet expects such a quality of those in command."

I’m siding with Jim on this one.  The Maru is a complete joke and teaches all the wrong lessons. 

It probably sounds strange up I’m a long time Star Trek fan that started with the books.   So I always wonder if this Jim is much more heavily influenced by his James "Jim" Ogaleesha Davis and his Lakota beliefs.  JJ was subtly hinting at it.   The Lakota take great pride that finding hope in the hopeless is one of the core values of their culture.   They strongly believe there’s no such thing as a no-win.  Digging in a preserving in the face of impossible odds is who they are.

“In a real-life crisis, it’s actions taken outside the accepted rules that will bring success.  Going by the book is often the quickest route to disaster.  You need to think outside the parameters, surprise needs to be met with surprise.”

Tarsus reference? 

And Spock is being rude and he knows it.  He’s not that culturally ignorant.   He just plays that card when he wants to get away with being rude.  Like Spock can talk.  He’s the sheltered son of a powerful ambassador.  Yeah, he had to deal with a few bullies in school Vulcan but he has NO clue what the real world can be like.  



Author's Response:

Hi HillsHollow,

Yes, I think on balance I agree with both you and Kirk, I don’t quite see the point of the Maru.  There are probably far more worthwhile and useful lessons that can be taught.

What you say about the Lakota is interesting, and it very much seems to fit in with Reboot Kirk’s view of the world.  Watching the movie, I didn’t realise that JJ could have been hinting at this.  It just never occurred to me, but then, I’m sorry to say, I don’t know much about Lakota culture and belief systems, so thanks for the info :)

Yeah, Spock is probably being somewhat rude, but I don’t think it was all Spock’s fault. Somewhere along the line, in this particular conversation, they’ve both managed to ruffle each other’s feathers.  But at this stage, they don’t know each other too well, having been thrown together by Pike.  Also, at this point, Jim’s only interested in him as a source of information on the Maru (after all, why would Spock hold his interest in any other respect; Jim’s just been recently bereaved and now he’s overjoyed that Gary’s returned).

I don’t think either knows why they’ve rubbed the other up the wrong way, (as Jim says, he doesn’t know where the conversation soured, but he’s knows he’s not in the mood to analyse it). They’re going to have to work to build trust and a friendship over time as they get to know each other better.  Rest assured, that will happen :)

Thanks again HillsHollow for the review and for your continued interest in the story.  It is much appreciated by this first time fanfic writer.

Next chapter will be next Saturday, as normal, all being well.

Reviewer: Dahliaxat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03/30/2015 11:57 AM Title: Prologue

I'm still here. Been so busy with farm work. I just can't get over how you manage to make me feel what Jjim is feeling.  Your words are so descriptive. Anyone who has lost a loved one, myself included knows exactly the sadness that stays with us day after day. They(meaning our well intentioned friends) keep telling us that with time the pain will ease and it won't be as bad. You will treasure the memories instead of being haunted by then. When??? 

I agree that with time it does happen, but Jim is still grieving, and now Gary is supposedly real in front of him. I am very intrigued to see how is that possible.

I'm glad that Jim and Spock are hitting it off. Looking forward to seeing where this will lead to.

You are doing such an incredible job. 

Can't wait to read more. 



Author's Response:

Hi Dahliaxat,

Glad you’re still here *grins* It’s good to know that people are still reading and enjoying the story. Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing, an ‘incredible job.’ Wow! You’ve made my day.  Feedback like this makes it all worthwhile.

Yes, the sadness does stay with you day after day, quite often for many months or even years, after the bereavement.  It eases over time, but it’s different for every person.  With a story, though, it’s difficult to tell how long Jim should grieve before the readers are tired of it.  A story isn’t like real life; you have to move the plot on.  Do I let it drag on for many chapters or not? How many chapters? Obviously, these issues are connected with pacing. In this fic, the grief slowly eases (though, even in later chapters, there are times Jim backslides, and I think that's realistic).  Of course, with Gary coming back from the dead things are different anyhow. It’s no longer a normal grieving process.

I think it was yourself who pointed out that there’s a lot of humour in here, considering the subject.  I hope my instincts are right regarding the balance between humour and grief.  It would be easy to get it wrong.  The challenge asked for lots and lots of angst, not sure I’ve fulfilled that part of the challenge. Oh well.

Yes, Jim and Spock are getting along well, though as with any relationship they’ll be a few road bumps along the way :)

Thanks again for taking the time to leave feedback.

Take care

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/28/2015 10:37 PM Title: Chapter 8

“Mrs. Mitchell had certainly not considered him good enough for her son.  In her eyes he was just the screw-up with a lengthening rap sheet, the town pariah, leaving mayhem and destruction in his wake.”

I think I hate Mrs.

You know?  I don’t think a lot of people realize that some kids can accumulate rap sheets because they have to survive.  When mommy or daddy is more interested in either getting their next hit or their next sip and not bothering to put food and clothes on their back kids will do what they have to do to survive at times from dumpster diving, to stealing, to prostitution.   With all the hints they dropped us about Frank just because Abrams Kirk probably didn’t go to Tarsus doesn’t mean he and Sam didn’t go hungry or dumpster dive or steal for a meal growing up.

“Jim recognizes that voice.  The moron.  With an internal grimace, Jim reluctantly looks up, to find a tall, gorgeous stranger grinning down at him. “

I liked this meeting.   :)

“He’s hyper conscious of the electronic pink slip nestled in the in-box of his PADD. “

Am I the only one that wonders if Jim was working in the Riverside Ship Yards on the Enterprise when Pike came to recruit him? 

“Now he’s left him too, when he promised that he wouldn’t.”

Are we ever going to find out what happened to Gary?  Now I’m kind of curious.

“Not for the first time, Jim wonders if he’s going insane.”

Oh this is so ungood.  I wonder if Gary is some sort of psychic vampire now or something?

“For the first time in what feels like forever, he falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.”

Why do I get the feeling Jim’s going to open his eyes to Bone’s face scowling down at him?  



Author's Response:

Hi there, HillsHollow :)

Yeah, they dropped us enough hints about Frank in the movie, especially in the deleted scenes.  From all those little insights it seems, to me at least, to be quite clear that Jim’s childhood was far from ideal. After all, happy, well-adjusted children don’t attempt to drive cars over cliffs with themselves still inside. 

It’s why in chapter 7 I was a little nervous re: my portrayal of Winona.  I’ve tried not to make her mother of the year, but I didn’t want her to be a monster either, so even though she is comforting her son and sharing some of her grief with him, I still alluded to problems in their relationship (He is embraced again with none of the stiffness of their greeting’ and ‘He relaxes into the contact, savoring it.  There were too few such touches in his childhood’ etc.).  By the way, sorry for any clichéd dialogue in that chapter.  Dialogue is definitely not my strong point, which is unfortunate, considering this story is dialogue heavy, being character drive, rather than an ‘action movie.’

Glad you liked Jim and Gary’s first meeting :) Kinda took inspiration from real life, ha!

Jim working in the Riverside ship yard (in the 2009 movie), hmm?  You know, I really like that idea.

Sorry, Gary’s not a psychic vampire.  If you remember, Jim ran the tricorder over him etc. and he must check out as fully human as Jim didn’t go ‘WTF, vampire?’ But, yeah, it’s a real mystery *grins* As to how he died…hmm.

As ever, the next chapter will be up next weekend.

Thank you for continuing to read and review (at least I know someone is still reading, and hopefully, enjoying it ;) ). I very much appreciate it.  

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/21/2015 10:11 PM Title: Chapter 6

“Everyone seems happy and relaxed. Jim just feels disconnected. “

This is completely relatable and very accurate. I think anyone that’s suffered a major loss feels that way—adrift. It also kind of makes you reassess your life and focus on what and who is important in your life.

“He can’t explain this new awareness, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that he met Spock previous to Pike’s intervention, at the beach on a gray and rainy afternoon.”

Hmm… I wonder if the draw could be Spock is someone that Jim has no memories associated with Gary? So being around Spock gives Jim some free space away from the memories?

LOL! I’m kind of suspious enough to wonder if Pike was sneaky, and pulled some strings to get Jim this school tour assignment. Nothing tends to remind you of life like being around kids. Not to mention if anything can get you laughing its kids sometimes. The stuff that comes out of their mouths. If Pike somehow ‘pays’ Bones back for something by somehow getting Joanna up there. We know Pike is doing his evil sneaky bastard, secretly tactical fussing, worried parent routine on Jim. :)

“His musings are interrupted by sharp scratching sounds floating up from the floorboards beneath him; the eerie echo of rat claws along the joists beneath the floor.”

Eeek. Again with the rats. Jim is a much braver soul than I am. I would have been outta there about the first time I found one on my pillow.

And from your previous comments….

“I was a little nervous that some readers wouldn’t like seeing him written this way, as it sometimes seems that certain characters (Mitchell, Winona Kirk in Reboot etc.), are expected to be written a certain way”

You know? I’ve noticed that too.

It’s like Sam Kirk is always the respectable citizen scientist despite the factor that he came from the VERY same screwed up back-ground Jim does. You never read a story where Sam is in and out of jail and only calls Jim when he needs little brother to come bail him out of trouble or money for his drug dealers. With Bones secretly plotting Sam’s murder and recruiting help to ditch the body next time he bounces his trouble in to Jim’s life because Jim just can’t say no to the big brother that took all those beatings for him growing up.



Author's Response:

Thank you, HillsHollow, for the feedback!  I’m very happy that you think parts of the story are relatable and realistic, as I’m always trying to aim for that, so it’s nice to know that I hit it occasionally ;)

Yeah, I think you’re right.  In Jim’s mind, Spock is totally unconnected to the life he shared with Gary.  Like he says to himself (kind of) when he first meets Spock - ‘he is happy to make a brief connection with someone who doesn’t know him, can’t make demands upon him, and needs nothing from him.’ 

As for Pike, it’s probably the only way he can offer his support, as Jim won’t let him in.  Pike tries to get him to open up a little in his office, but Jim just pulls up the barriers and refuses to talk about it.  So what’s Pike to do?  I can see reboot Kirk doing that.  He’s not the type to talk about his feelings (he even had to be a little drunk for his chat with Bones), he’s more the type to either self-destruct in a blaze of reckless bar-fights or shut down and suffer in silence, like he’s doing in this story.

Hmm…not sure the kids at the school will really be Jim’s focus.  He’s on a new mission :)

As for his rat problem – a solution may be just around the corner.

Thanks again for your lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts. 

Take care

Reviewer: macywinstar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03/14/2015 3:07 PM Title: Chapter 5

Two wounded people. I think it may take a while for them to see past their pain and find each other. I hope this is a long story.

Author's Response:

Thank you :-) You were quick!  I only posted the chapter a few hours ago.

I’m so happy that you’re still enjoying the story, and yes this is a long slow build multi-chaptered fic (somewhere in the region of 120K+ words and approaching 40 chapters – I hope that doesn’t put you off), so there’s plenty more to come yet.  It’s a long story because I prefer the long slow build ones the best and secondly because I didn’t feel I could do the story justice in less words (though more talented writers probably could). Plus when I write I do tend to be long winded ;)

Thanks again for sticking with the story and continuing to review.

 

Reviewer: Dahliaxat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03/09/2015 7:15 PM Title: Chapter 3

Rats!!! Bleech...Get out of there Jim.  Now, that is very interesting...Gary speaking to Jim...and in Vulcan...Bones is such a great friend.  I really am enjoying the humor in this story despite Jim's sadness. Great job.



Author's Response:

Dahliaxat - Thanks for the review  :) always appreciated.

Bones is great, isn’t he? (I do enjoy writing him).  Jim can always rely on him to be there, which is good, as he really needs someone right now.  Gary speaking to Jim…yeah, something’s up there ; )

I wasn’t sure how much humour to put in the story given the subject matter, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it, and that it’s not detracting too much from the angst. 

Thanks again for dropping by and sharing your thoughts.

Reviewer: HaveYouHeard Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03/03/2015 7:34 AM Title: Chapter 3

Love love looooove!! More please!! 



Author's Response:

Thank you. Happy that you are liking it :) More will be posted this weekend.

Reviewer: HillsHollow Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/01/2015 11:36 PM Title: Chapter 3

I just had to write this review and say thank you for not writing Gary Mitchell as a bad guy in this story.  It’s so refreshing!   I think a lot of fans miss the point.  Gary was supposed to signify the best of us and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I’m an old time Star Trek book fan and one of my first book series I ever picked up was a series that explored Jim and Gary’s early friendship.  Which had Gary doing things like smuggling people with high Esper rating/psychic ratings (Lee Kelso’s sister) off Earth and to Vulcan where they would be safe from 31 and trained.  Helped Jim save Bones from Area 31 ect.  Gary stepped in and saved Jim’s life at the Academy from one of Kodos loony followers even though he could see enough of the future to know Jim would kill him some day.  Thanks to that series I could never actually wrap my mind around Gary Mitchell as a bad guy.

So thank you so much for this refreshing story.  I love the Gary Mitchell your portraying here.

I love your Bones here too.  You write him perfectly.

Your descriptions are vivid to the point you feel like you’re there in the room with Jim.  I think the rat scene is going to give me nightmares.

Keep up the great work.  I can’t wait to read more. 



Author's Response:

Hi, HillsHollow

*Huge Grin*  Thank you so much for your lovely, thoughtful review.  It really brightened up a bitterly cold wintery day.

I’m happy you like the way I’m portraying Gary Mitchell.  I was a little nervous that some readers wouldn’t like seeing him written this way, as it sometimes seems that certain characters (Mitchell, Winona Kirk in Reboot etc.), are expected to be written a certain way, and it’s often (though not always) as the bad guys with no shades of grey.  So I was a little nervous to see how people would respond to the characterization of Gary in this story.  I absolutely agree with you, by the way, about Gary in TOS (i.e. that he was there to signify that power corrupts even the best of people). 

That Star Trek series sounds really interesting, and I can see how after reading it you would find the traditional portrayal of Gary Mitchell in fan fiction ‘disappointing’.  Sadly, I expect the books are no longer available (or only so in the USA).

Thank you for your lovely words about my writing.  I love Bones, and he’s fun to write. I just hope I’m keeping Kirk in character.

Yeah, the rat scene was pretty ‘ugh’ :)  Sorry for giving you nightmares, though if I have I suppose that means I’ve done my job :) 

Thank you again for taking the time to review, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.  As I now seem to have settled into a regular posting routine the next chapter will be up next weekend.  

Reviewer: macywinstar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/28/2015 1:59 PM Title: Chapter 3

OMG!! If I had seen a rat on my pillow, that would be the end of the story--I'd be dead from terror. Poor Jim--that's all he needs. Jim hearing Gary speaking in Vulcan, does that mean the Spock is about to make an appearance. Thinking of Spock reminds me that Leonard Nimoy is no longer with us. My heart hurts.

Author's Response:

Hi,

Yeah, poor Jim alright :) He really needs things to start going better for him.  If I had rats I’d be doing my upmost to move.  You wouldn’t see me for dust. 

As for Spock, I know we’ve got to 7,000+ words and four chapters without him, but that’s only because this is slow build K/S with many more chapters to come.  However, I can say that he’ll make an appearance very soon.

My heart hurts too, so sad.  But remember Leonard Nimoy brought joy to millions, which in a world where there’s often too little of that quality, is no small thing.  In fact, it’s a huge thing.   

Thanks for taking the time to review, and for following the story :)

Reviewer: Dahliaxat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/23/2015 5:44 AM Title: Chapter 2

A small genuine smile... it's a start. I can only imagine how difficult it is for Jim to get on with his life, as Bones would say. Small baby steps...that's what Jim has to do. Eventually, the sadness he's experiencing will lessen.  Don't get me wrong, he'll still feel the pain of losing Gary, it will just become less pronounced and before he realizes it, his life will fall back into its usual routine. It takes time, and Jim needs that time. Bones, just wants it to happen much quicker.  Having Chekov pop by was the beginning. Looking forward to more.



Author's Response:

Hi Dahliaxat,

Thanks for the feedback :) Yeah, it’s going to be tough for Jim to get his life back on track. At the moment he’s not the Jim we know, which is probably why Bones tried a different tactic.  He’s just worried about Jim being so withdrawn and not his usual extrovert self.

As you say it’ll take time, which is why there’s plenty more chapters to come (I don’t feel I can do this story justice in just half a dozen chapters, not just Jim recovering from his grief but also building a relationship with Spock).  Next chapter will be up next week.

Thanks again for reviewing.  

Reviewer: DeeGilles Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 02/21/2015 6:45 PM Title: Prologue

You write so beautifully; I can't believe you've never written before. Your imagery is vivid and word choice poetic.  I've never seen TMD and I don't think I will for purposes of this story.  I am enjoying it for its own sake and can't wait to see how the story unfolds. Well done and may there be much more writing in your future. 

d.



Author's Response:

Hi DeeGilles,

Thank you for taking the time to leave a review and for your kind and wonderful words about my writing.  You’ve made my day :)

Yes, it’s true, this is the first fiction I’ve written (that I can remember). It’s certainly my first multi-chaptered fic.  I really jumped in the deep end when I answered this challenge. What was I thinking.  I’m more used to taking minutes at meetings and typing them up.  Apparently my minutes are awesome (very detailed and accurate). However, as we all know, minute taking is a completely different discipline from writing fiction. 

Yeah, TMD is a really great movie, and it’s true I’ve taken some elements from the movie for this fic (the run-down house Jim lives in and his rat problem etc. which I hope leaves a flavour of the movie), but as this story unfolds it takes on a life on its own, and goes its own sweet way. You really can’t just re-write the movie (plot wise) in the ST universe, it wouldn’t work.

So, while this keeps some elements of both TMD and ST reboot, the story just grew in its own organic way as I wrote it.  But, I can understand you wishing to enjoy this for its own sake (I’d do the same in your position), but you should totally check-out the movie when this story is finished.

Not sure about more writing in my future, it’s already taken me nearly three years to write this one. Yes, three years! Slowest writer ever!

Thanks again for reviewing.  It’s appreciated.

P.S. Good luck with your own story (I can see posted below mine).  If I get a minute I’ll check it out.

Reviewer: Dahliaxat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/16/2015 1:10 PM Title: Chapter 1

Another heartwrenching chapter. I'm glad he has Bones as a friend, and I am not surprised Bones could read through Jim's facade. Friends like that can tell how you truly feel. The way you describe Jim's pain is so realistic I'm almost afraid to ask if the author hasn't lost someone so deeply. We tend to write what we experience. I also liked Gary Mitchell from the original series and didn't particularly like how many authors treated him. I'm glad you didn't go that route.

I don't know if you realize but I am sure you will be making many readers emotionally drained, not that is a bad thing. It's therapeutic in a way. We are grieving with Jim as he goes through the stages of loss. It's like losing a loved one, whether it be family or a close friend. 

Looking forward to Jim's healing as he learns to deal with Gary's passing. Excellent work.



Author's Response:

Yeah, Bones is a great friend to Jim and you’ll not be surprised to hear that he continues to be a great support to Jim throughout the story.  I think Bones is a lot more successful than most people in reading through Jim’s bullshit and calling him on it.

Don’t be afraid to ask.  Fortunately, I’ve never suffered a loss like Jim has (i.e. lover, partner), but I have lost grandparents and sadly a parent, so like most people I’m not completely untouched by grief. 

As I’ve posted below to macywinstar, I don’t really understand why Gary Mitchell is nearly always portrayed the way he is, but then I don’t have extensive knowledge of TOS.  All I can say is that if people want to read Mitchell as ‘slime of the universe’ in this fic then they will be disappointed. The same goes for any character/s usually portrayed in a negative light.  There’s no character bashing in this story.

Not sure I’ll actually be making many readers emotionally drained; you probably need to be a more experienced writer to really put people’s hearts through the wringer.  (Though, it’s very nice of you to say so). This is the first piece of fiction I’ve ever written (seriously I can’t think I’ve ever written any fiction, not even at school), so to be fair I’ve no idea what I'm doing :) I really jumped in the deep end by deciding to write a long multi-chapter fic about a difficult subject, instead of first learning the craft with one shots and short stories.  Ha! What was I thinking! 

Thanks again for taking the time to write such insightful reviews. I really appreciate it. Hopefully you'll continue to read and enjoy the story.

Reviewer: Dahliaxat Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/16/2015 12:51 PM Title: Prologue

Wow!!! I love how some authors have a knack of describing things so clearly, and you are that person. You are so visual and I can actually smell Gary as well, not to mention wet Earth as well. 

This is my favorite line:  

The wilting blooms of the snowdrops provide mute evidence that winter is beginning to falter and spring is slipping into the gaps left by its retreat, but for him there is no thaw. His winter is still here, its icy tendrils chilling him to the bone. Such sad words and so overwhelming to read. Off to read chapter two.

Author's Response:

Hi Dahliaxat,

Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for letting me know what you like about the chapter. I'm obvioulsy trying for sadness and angst, so it's nice to hear that I've managed it with this chapter.

Reviewer: macywinstar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/14/2015 4:41 AM Title: Chapter 1

I like what you're doing with this story.  It's refreshing to see the character of Gary Mitchell portrayed as something other than the "spawn of Satan."  I look forward to reading more.



Author's Response:

Hi macywinstar!

Thanks for taking the time to add a review.  It's appreciated :)

"Spawn of Satan." Yeah, that's a pretty good description of how he's portrayed in most fan fiction.  Though I've never quite fully understood why, as from my admittedly limited knowledge of TOS, in the one episode I've seen his character he quite clearly wasn't himself (I'm guessing anyway, with the eyes glowing silver and everything).  So it could be argued he wasn't really responsible for his subsequent actions.

As for this story, if readers are looking for a Gary Mitchell as the 'spawn of Satan,' then this isn't the fic for them :)

 

Reviewer: Yohtan Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02/13/2015 6:38 AM Title: Chapter 1

Ugh yes. I can't wait for more of this. Usually I am not one to get into really angst fics but the premesis of this fix sound fun and your writing is so good. I love the slice of life feel and all the detail you put in without it feeling bog down.

Author's Response:

Hi, Yohtan.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful review (and the gold stars). Wow. You've made my day :)

As for more of this, I plan to post a new chapter every weekend, so the next one should be up Saturday 21st or thereabouts. Hope to see you then. 

Thanks again for taking the time to review.

You must login (register) to review.