Never and Always Lovers: A Ni-Var for Two Apart by Carolyn Spencer

Ni Var:  A Vulcan term that describes two halves that combine to make a whole.

First published in 1997 in fanzine T'hy'la 19.

Categories: Poetry Characters: None
Crossover Fandom: None
Genres: Kirk/Spock Pre-Slash
Other Languages: None
Specific movie: None
Story Type: Character Study
Trope (OPTIONAL): None
Universe: ST:TOS Original Universe
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 240 Read: 6111 Published: 08/13/2010 Updated: 08/13/2010
Chapter 1 by Carolyn Spencer



We were never lovers.


    We were always lovers.


Never did he lay me down                                        

with sheets cold against bare back,                            

Or hover there above my face ‘till golden                  

breath warmed the space between our bodies.          


    Always from the first did find

    his soul a twin to mine

    And sought there the answer

    To a question I hadn't known to ask.


Never did he twine blunt fingers in my hair              

to hold me still                                                           

as if there were a place to which I could escape       

that did not contain his essence.                               

    Always the dividing line was thin.

    Where white met black

    our colors bloomed

    And made a seamless whole.


We were never lovers.                                               


    We were always lovers.


It is not possible to seduce with a smile,                    

ravish with a careless touch,                                     

penetrate with a glance.                                          


    I have walked within the secret garden

    of his mind, a yearning, verdant place,

    And did deny the lesser intimacy.


We were never lovers.  Never.                                  


    We were always lovers.  Always.


Then why does desert wind usurp                       

his voice to call my name?                                            


    That's why rain-spattered glass reflects

    his face and not my own.



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