No one turned around at the sound of the turbolift doors opening – it was, after all, a common occurrence. What was not a common occurrence and did, in fact, make everyone on the bridge turn around was the sultry, but definitely masculine, voice starting to sing "Santa Baby".
The sight that met the bridge crew as they turned around was also far from common. Red pumps, fishnet stockings, garters, a naughty Mrs. Santa mini-dress that was so short they could see the matching panties, fake red nails, red lipstick, fake eyelashes and a Santa hat. Out of all of these items, only the Santa hat was something any of them had ever seen Jim wearing before.
Nevertheless, that was what he was wearing at the moment, as he walked away from the turbolift in slow, sensuous movements as he sang "...been an awful good girl, Santa baby." He winked at Uhura as he went past her. "So hurry down the chimney tonight." His movements were reminiscent of those of an erotic dancer, swinging his hips from side to side and occasionally letting his hands slide enticingly over his body, as he kept singing.
He continued down to the helm and navigations consoles. Chekov and Sulu both stiffened noticeably as Jim first put a hand on Chekov's shoulder, let it slide along his back to the other shoulder, teasing the short hairs in his neck with his long red nails on his way, and then did the same to Sulu. He came around to the front of the console. He leaned forward and tickled Sulu teasingly under the chin. "Think of all the fun I've missed." He moved in front of Chekov, and put a hand on his neck. "Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed." Chekov's eyes became wide as Jim leaned in to kiss him... on the tip of his nose. Chekov sighed in relief.
Jim locked eyes with Spock and sauntered over to him even as Spock's eyebrow begged him not to come closer and involve Spock in his weird antics. "Been an angel all year, Santa baby," he sang as he placed himself on Spock's lap, bare thighs and panties against Spock's pants. Spock's other eyebrow joined the first one to inform Jim that he had been anything but an angel that year. "So hurry down the chimney tonight."
Jim removed his Santa hat and placed it on Spock, and afterwards one of his hands "accidentally" landed exactly on Spock's crotch. "Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need," and here he winked at Spock as he sang "the deed," and then he changed the lyrics a little, "in your quarters or mine? Santa honey, please hurry down my chimney tonight."
He stopped singing, and grinned as he felt something stir beneath his hand. He slightly increased the pressure of his hand. "Come with me, Mr. Spock?" He fluttered his long, black eyelashes.
"Jim." Spock couldn't quite make himself call Jim 'Captain' when he was wearing this costume. "As you may have noticed, I'm on duty and must therefore stay on the bridge."
"Captain's prerogative," Jim said and winked. "Unless you want to stay here and bend me over the cap-mmph!" Spock clamped a hand over Jim's mouth before he could continue.
"That will not be necessary, Jim. I will accompany you." He turned to the helmsman, whose cheeks had turned slightly pink. "Mr. Sulu, you have the con."
Spock led Jim into the turbolift without ever moving his hand away from Jim's mouth, and the door closed behind them.
Uhura shuddered. "I feel like I need to wash my ears and eyes with soap."
"Yeah, you're not the only one," Sulu agreed.
Chekov looked thoughtful for a while, before he turned to Sulu. "Hikaru, when ze Keptin said zat he wanted Mister Spock to 'hurry down his chimney', do you sink he meant -mmph!"
Sulu found Spock's clamping-hand-over-mouth method to be quite effective.