Spock hated when he had to stay late in the lab. Not only was he missing much-anticipated time with his T’hy’la and captain, Jim Kirk, it also meant that the captain would need to go to sleep alone, which was not something Jim was very fond of doing.
Jim had ceased having difficulty falling asleep alone once again upon obtaining Benvolio and Mercutio, their cats; but nightmares still made his sleep less than restful.
It was no secret that Jim’s childhood had been less than favourable; yet it was not well known that it had actually been a lot worse than people thought. This caused a whole slew of trust and abandonment issues which had deep effect on Jim and his ability to be comfortable in a relationship. It had taken quite some time for Jim to trust that Spock loved him wholly and would not be leaving at the first chance available; every time he’d left on a diplomatic mission had been an adventure, to say the least.
Spock, before entering his relationship with Jim, would have welcomed the opportunity to spend the night in the lab, away from the Humans who seemed intent on talking his ear off. As it was, he was anxiously attempting to finish quickly to return to Jim.
He would not admit it to anyone, but he was also affected by the loneliness that accompanied their time apart. He had become so accustomed to having Jim’s mind humming in the back of his psyche due to their almost constant proximity, and he missed it when it was not there. He would discuss a remedy to this with Jim the next chance he got. But for now, he would have to finish the reports that were beginning to pile up. He’d also begin training more scientists to aid in this respect; he had a feeling everyone would benefit from that.
Jim was dreaming; he knew he was dreaming. It had that surreal quality about it that made it impossible to be anything but a dream. That didn’t make it any less terrifying.
Jim was at the farm in Iowa, which would definitely have alerted him to the fact that he was dreaming; the last time he had been there he was sixteen. But there he was, sitting at the old wood table in the kitchen, facing Winona and Spock, who were both looking at him in disdain.
“See Spock?” Winona said in a haughty, cruel voice. “He’s no good. Definitely not worth your time. You should leave now, while you have the chance.”
At those words, Jim’s dream seemed to shift. Everything around him became less clear and took on a more grainy texture than it had before. Spock, however, became clearer, as though he were actually there.
“Indeed, it would seem you are correct,” Spock said coldly. “We must leave.” He stood up and held his hand out to Jim, who took it without hesitation. “It is unfortunate you cannot see what your son is worth, or how much you have lost by turning your back on him.”
Jim smiled. Spock loved him; he was beginning to believe he always would.
“Hmm? Spock, you’re really here?” Jim asked groggily when he awoke from his strange dream to find Spock holding him close to his chest.
“Indeed,” Spock murmured, fingers carding through Jim’s hair. “I returned to find you in the throes of a nightmare; I had hoped that proximity to one who loves you would help.”
“Believe me, Spock, it did,” Jim smiled sleepily. “You done the lab reports?”
“There are three that have not been finished. My mind was beginning to wander,” Spock told him quietly. “I shall use those to train Lieutenant Gro; he shows promise.”
“Hmm, making more time for yourself?” Jim asked, settling into Spock’s arms and sighing in contentment.
“No, I am making more time for us,” Spock said, a low rumble of contentment sounding in his chest. “You are not the only one who misses the other’s presence in this relationship.”
“You miss me too?” Jim asked, touched by the admission.
“I do,” Spock nodded. “I have become accustomed to the feel of your mind so near my own when we are in such close proximity as this.”
Jim smiled. “You know, there’s a remedy for that… Solinar told me about Vulcan bonding…”
Spock was visibly taken aback. “You spoke to my counterpart about bonding? This is something you desire?”
“Of course it is,” Jim rolled his eyes. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of attached to you. I want to be with you forever. A bond with you is something I want very much. If you don’t want to, well, I guess I can live with that. I’ll take anything you can give; if you want it to stay like it is now, then we can. If you just want to get married the Human way, I’d love that. And, if you want to bond with me, I’d be the happiest person in the whole universe.”
Spock felt his mouth curve up into a smile. “You will be the second happiest in the universe, Jim.”
Jim’s smile lit up the darkened room. “We’ll have to see about that.”
“I wish to bond with you, T’hy’la,” Spock murmured into golden hair. “I wish to have you and be yours in every possible way. If you desire to be married in the human fashion as well, we shall do so as well.”
“I love you so much, Spock,” Jim tilted his face up to kiss him.
“As I love you, ashaya,” Spock’s fingers stopped combing through Jim’s hair to rest on the side of Jim’s face. “Do you wish to link our minds tonight?”
“Yes! Let’s do it right now,” Jim grinned. “I can’t wait to have you hopping around in the back of my head all the time.”
Spock smiled. “You are not the only one.” He whispered the ancient words and delved into Jim’s mind, soon, they would be permanently linked together.
Memories assailed Spock as he ventured through Jim’s mind. Anxiety and pain were prevalent in most of them; Spock soothed it with waves of love and affection.
Memories of bullies and rejections at the hands of girls throughout Jim’s school years swirled out of the depths of Jim’s mind; Spock made sure that Jim knew he would never allow that pain to cause him suffering again.
One memory was clearly the strongest memory, with the most pressure in Jim’s mind. It was the memory of Jim’s mother kicking him out of the house at sixteen. The feelings of loneliness, of not being wanted freely flowed from this memory. Spock got a strong sense that Jim felt that he had no place to call home; he worked to rectify this.
Spock laid the foundations of a bond, feeding it love, affection and devotion. He felt it drown out the negative feelings from all of the memories but one; Jim still felt as though he had no home. Spock built up the bond, feeling it reach out to his mind. The link was made; the bond solidified and Jim found his home…
Jim found his home in Spock.