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Author's Chapter Notes:

Can be read as TOS or XI.

Contains: fluffy, angsty, porny character study (voyeurism/exhibitionism... kinda, sort of, maybe?)

Written for prompt #4 (angst and sound) at [info]st_respect '11.


The slow rocking of the bed wasn’t what had awoken Spock. No, in the months that the three of them had been together and shared a bed, he’d grown accustomed to the constant movements that his companions seemed incapable of controlling in their sleep. No, it was the soft sigh and broken gasp that ghosted past his ears that stole him from his reverie. Eyes opening, Spock was greeted by naked skin, glistening with sweat in the dim light of the rest cycle. The soft swell of Leonard’s buttocks shifted rhythmically with the easy thrust and roll of his hips. The space between his body and Jim’s was shadowed but there was no mistaking the meaning of the movements or the soft sounds that neither of them could completely mask. This was not the first time such an event had pulled him from sleep, but it was the first time he allowed himself to watch.

The sensuous slide of flesh against flesh, the musky scent of arousal, and the carefully controlled sounds of pleasure that flowed across Spock’s senses may have been erotic to many, but to him they were merely exotic. His body did not stir at the sight, nor did he feel any driving urge to join them in their play. He could not, however, deny that that the sight of them together fascinated him. The messy loss of control that was sex had never held his attention before as it held no great meaning to it beyond reproduction. Though humans were never logical, and, of course, they would treat such a thing as little more than recreation.

Yet, Jim and Leonard drew his attention and interest in a way that was unique to them. Everything they did attracted him, but here, in this, they were free and open in a way that was foreign to Spock. Perhaps, as he was beginning to learn, he had been wrong in his conclusion that sex was merely recreational. While there was a certain amount of leisure to it, there was so much more than that, so much that Spock had never taken into consideration. Touch telepath he may be, but there was no refuting the emotion involved: wild and untamed, going against everything that he had been taught, it should have revolted him, yet he was drawn to it like a moth to a flame and could not look away.

There was obviously bodily lust between Leonard and Jim, but it did not overpower or overshadow the love and compassion they felt for each other. Spock did not question the friendship that bound them together. That had been steadily growing between them all for many years now, years longer for Leonard and Jim. However, the love between them was new, or at least the admission of it was. Spock would never admit it aloud, but he did not know precisely when their simple friendship had deepened into so much more, had slowly evolved into what he now knew was love. There’s was not a conservative relationship, but even among the odd, they were strange.

Spock had never lied about his lack of sexual interest in anyone, nor had he ever been concerned about it until recently. While Spock felt no pull towards having sex, in his years spent amongst humans, he had learned to accept if not enjoy physical contact particularly when coming from his current bedfellows. While he still had difficulties initiating such contact, Leonard and Jim had no such problems. Seeming to understand his struggle, they often sought out his presence, touching him constantly, and Spock readily welcomed it.

Leonard had no qualms with being physical with Jim in Spock’s presence, but Jim was not so easily convinced, feeling as though he was doing Spock a disservice. So the way of things had come to pass that such activities would be done when Spock was not present, or like now in the wee hours of the morning when they should have been resting. Jim put some sort of value on these physical encounters that Spock felt not desire to participate in.

However, Spock could not help but wonder if he was slighting his campaigns in some way, if they were truly happy with the arrangement. While he knew it was something important that should have been discussed long ago, their arrangement had been a natural progress of things. Leonard did not seem to have any issues as the doctor was not one to censor himself if he felt the need to complain about something as he often did. Though Spock could not truly be certain as Leonard rarely spoke of matters of the heart. Jim’s feelings were not so easily discernable. While Jim had never voiced a complaint, his disturbance by Spock’s lack of sexual interest in him was obvious. Jim seemed to have a faulty preconception that equated love to sex, and a lack of not just sex, but desire seemed to be even more damning in Jim’s eyes.

Not for the first time, he wondered if this relationship would work in the long run, if they could truly accept a romantic relationship such as this without the presence of sex. Neither had ever made any advances or overtures in that direction, but there was the constant worry that one day one or both of them would decide it wasn’t enough and that they wanted out, or that they would decide they were happy with each other and felt that Spock did not fit into that happiness.

A sharp gasp drew his attention away from the motion of their naked forms up to Jim’s face. Though Spock had made no movement or sound, Jim had evidently descended that he was awake despite the darkness.

Leonard froze at the sound, no doubt momentarily worried that he’d hurt Jim before noticing where his attention was focuses. Following Jim’s eyes, a wide grin split his face as he met Spock’s gaze. The look was clearly triumphant and nearly predatory as he began his movements again.

With a started whine, Jim’s back arched sharply as the sudden thrust must have hit his prostate. He flushed deeply, and Spock could read the shame in his eyes and would have none of it. Moving closer, he pressed against Jim’s exposed side, placing a chaste kiss on his slack lips.

Jim blinked dumbly up at Spock. “You never kissed me before.”

No, Spock hadn’t, but he had thought about it many times in recent months since their relationship had changed. The act of kissing was not in itself innately sexual, and he’d found himself contemplating the possibility. The kiss was not unpleasant, but he would need more evidence before he could decide with confidence. “I was uncertain if it would be welcomed or understood.”

Taking Jim’s hand in his own, he guided it down to Jim’s flagging erection, urging him to wrap his fist around it as his own moved away. Jim’s eyes clenched shut, and he bit back a sob of embarrassment as his fingers tightened around his flesh.

“There is no shame in this, Jim.” Spock admonished gently as he covered Jim’s fist with his own in reassurance.

Leonard settled heavily on Jim trapping their hands between the press of bodies as he leaned forward to claim Spock’s mouth in a kiss.

Jim stared wide-eyed at the image before Bones turned his attention towards him, rewarding him with an even deeper kiss. When he finally pulled away, Jim was left flushed and panting.

Settling his mouth near Jim’s ear, Bones whispered, “Look at him, darlin’. See how wide his eyes are blown, the slight flush of his cheeks. Feel the rush of blood under his skin. He loves this, Jim, loves watching us. Loves us period.”

Spock nodded his agreement. “Sex is not love, Jim.”

“But it’s great fun,” Bones snarked back, punctuating his point with a roll of his hips.

However, Jim was not so easily convinced. With a grunt, he wrapped his legs around Bones’ waist, trying to keep him still, while hissing, “Stop that. Can’t think like this.”

It wasn’t Bones that responded however, and the words shocked them all.

“Then do not think. That is not the point of sex, correct? The point is to feel, is it not?”

“But—” Jim began to protest, but stopped as Spock grabbed his free hand and guided it down to rest on Spock’s own flaccid penis. “Spock?” Jim questioned unsure of what he was doing.

“Does this ashame you? Are you disgusted with me for not desiring your body? Do you feel that I do not love you if my body can’t make love to you? Do you feel that are wrong to take pleasure when I do not?”

Jim’s eyes went round and horrified as he pulled his hand away as though burned. “No. No. Spock never—I never—would never—I know you love me. Love us. I would never question that.”

“Yet you would hide part of yourself from me?”

Jim looked away unable to meet his eyes. “I didn’t want to disgust you.”

“Aww, kid. When has Spock ever been one to keep quiet when he doesn’t agree with something? Sometimes I think he just likes hearing himself talk, the way he rattles off regulations,” Bones interjected.

“But that’s work, this is different.”

“Jim, sometimes you’re really blind.” Jim bristled at the insult, but Bones continued, “Spock’s been eye fucking us since before the beginning.”

“What?” Jim voiced, incredulous, while Spock merely raised an eyebrow at the very thought.

“Do you really think that Spock would be here, if this wasn’t exactly where he wanted to be? If he wasn’t comfortable with us having sex, he wouldn’t be in this relationship with us, wouldn’t be in this bed with us.”

Jim glanced over at Spock who nodded his accord.

“Leonard is correct, Jim. I am exactly where I want to be. I do not find the act of sex between you two to be disgusting. In fact, I find it to be rather fascinating.”

Bones barked out a laugh that made Jim jerk as the movement reminded him of Bone’s place still seated deeply in his body and felt the slow burn begin to rise again at Spock’s admission. “A closet voyeur, are you?”

“I do not believe it can be caused voyeurism when there is no sexual interest involved.”

“Just between us?” Jim questioned.

“Yes, I had never considered sex outside of purely academic stand point before watching the two of you together. I am unsure if watching others would have the same effect.”

“That’s one hypothesis you’re not going to test out,” Jim retorted though knowing that Spock was not serious.

He hoped.

“Definitely not,” Bones agreed. “You’re ours. And we’re not going to let you go watch just anyone, are we, Jim? Maybe we need to put on a show before Spock gets bored with us.”

“I could never grow bored of you.” There was a hint of finality in his voice. In response, Spock tightened his fist over Jim’s causing his own fist to tighten around his half hard cock, which in turn caused him to gasp, and clench down on Bones who gasped as well.

Jim laughed in delight. “Apparently so.”

“Let’s give him a show then, shall we?”

Before Jim had a chance to reply, Bones pulled almost all the way before thrusting back in long and hard.

By appearance it should have been painful, but the shout that Jim made spoke more of startled pleasure than pain. Endorphins were obviously running high as the sexual centers of their brains went into overdrive. As they let themselves go, no longer trying to hide from Spock, the echo of flesh against flesh was almost startling loud before the sounds of pleasure rose to join it. Spock had never heard either man make the sounds that were now flowing unchecked from their panting mouths. He’d heard each of them grunt, groan, and sigh before, but these were different, with a ragged listing edge. The gasps and whimpers were new. But it was the whining mews that escaped Jim’s mouth that really drew his attention, and told Spock how gone the other man was.

Spock could not help but feel awed that they were allowing him to see this. He had seen countless types of beauty in his lifetime and appreciated many; however, he had never seen anything as beautiful as this. The whole bed shook with the force of their movements, but Spock was not bothered by it. Jim reached out, grabbing onto both of them, sweat slicked skin sliding as he sought purchase. Jim suddenly jerked against him, and his back bowed impossibly tight as he cried out, his hips thrusting wildly against their still joined fists as his orgasm over took him.

Spock pulled his hand away and ran his finger through the ejaculation bringing it to his nose for a sniff before he took a taste.

“Oh fuck,” Bones gasped, as his hips stuttered to a stop, leaving him deeply embedded in Jim as his own orgasm took him at the unexpected sight.

Bones all by collapsed to Jim’s other side, causing them both to gasp as he pulled out. “God, Spock. I haven’t come that hard since I was a teenager.”

Still panting, Jim’s eyes shifted between the both of them. “What?”

Bones followed Spock’s example, and Jim stared at him quizzically for a moment, before he turned shocked eyes to Spock.

“And I didn’t get to see it?” Jim whined.

“I believe you were otherwise occupied at the time,” Spock responded.

“So how was it?” Jim asked.

“I believe it is an acquired taste.” Spock stated, and left it at that as he climbed to his feet before getting a wet cloth from the bathroom to wipe them down. The sheets would need to be changed too, but that could be done later. Getting back into bed, he carefully wiped them both down. Jim seemed ready to complain but Leonard shushed him with a kiss and let Spock have his way. This was something he could do for them. It was not much in the face of the intimacy he’d just witnessed, but it was something.

Rising again to dispose of the cloth, Spock found that Jim had almost positioned himself on Spock’s normal side of the bed, and Leonard on the other side, leaving only a spot in the middle of the bed. They shared a conspiratorial grin as he climbed into the open space. Lying down, both men curled around him. As with many things in their relationship, it was different, but not bad.

They laid that way for several minutes before Leonard spoke unexpectedly, almost startling him. “You don’t need to be afraid either, Spock.”

Spock opened his mouth to protest that he was not afraid of anything, but Leonard kept speaking.

“We’re not going to push you away because you don’t want to have sex with us. We’re not going to get tired of you. Don’t doubt our love for you.”

“Bones is right, you know? I had noticed that it felt like you were still holding yourself back, like you had one foot in and one foot out of the door, ready to run at any time. We’re not going to let you go that easily. You’re ours and we’re not going to give you up for the world. We’re going to do whatever it takes to make you believe that.” Jim pushed himself closer, tucking his head into the hollow of Spock’s neck, one had reaching out to rest on top of Spock’s own.

Leonard’s hand appeared on top seconds later. “I may be a harsh bastard at time, Spock, but I’m a possessive bastard. I won’t let you go without a fight. Now it’s late, and I for one, have an early shift.”

Jim murmured his agreement and it did not take them long to settle into sleep. Spock, however, did not join them in slumber, having had enough rest before they had awoken him. Instead he watched them sleep, listening to their even breathing as he contemplated the revelations of the evening and dared for the first time to believe in the longevity of their relationship together.


Chapter End Notes:

I do know that asexuality does not necessarily mean that a person does not feel sexual arousal. Asexuality can take many forms, and this is just an exploration of one of them.

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