"Good afternoon ladies, Sulu," Doctor Leonard McCoy chuckled as he sat down across from Pavel Chekov, who looked indignant at being lumped in with the ladies, Nyota Uhura and Christine Chapel. Hikaru Sulu laughed almost maniacally at the look on the little Russian's face.
"Oh come on, Pav, you know he's just teasing," Sulu put his arm around the little ensign and squeezed comfortingly. "We all know it's because he thinks you're adorable."
"We all do," Uhura grinned and reached over to pinch his cheek.
"Are al little Russians as cute as you?" Chapel asked with wink.
"Vell, technically, ewrybody is Russian," Chekov said enthusiastically. "It is vell-known fact zat ze Human race was foirst from Mother Russia. So all Humans are just vun big extended Russian family."
"Well, by that reasoning, kiddo, I was doing my cousin when I was married," McCoy shuddered at the thought. "And pretty much every Human being was committing incest when they got married and had kids."
"Even if someone were to marry Spock, they'd be committing incest," Chapel said quietly, looking at the tall Vulcan officer who had just entered the mess hall with their just-as-handsome captain, Jim Kirk. "He's half Human, which means he'd be a part of your big Russian family, Chekov."
"I don't want to be stuck being related to that walking computer," McCoy whined.
"What about the people who've dated him?" Chapel grinned at Uhura.
"Hey, I never slept with him, so technically not as bad as some of us," she elbowed Sulu in the ribs. "Some of us are sexing up our Russian cousins every night." She grinned as both Sulu and Chekov turned bright red.
"Good afternoon my great friends, Bones," Jim greeted them, standing next to their table; Spock walked off to the replicator, apparently to get his and Jim's food. "What are you guys talking about today?"
"About how anyone sleeping with Spock would basically be sleeping with their cousin," McCoy chuckled.
"Come on, Spock and I are not cousins," Jim said without thinking. He immediately gasped at his own words and blushed a deep crimson. "Uh, I mean..."
"So you are doing the horizontal tango with the hobgoblin," McCoy said triumphantly. "I knew it!"
"He's blushing worse than Chekov and Sulu!" Chapel giggled. "That's adorable."
"If I may ask, what is adorable?" Spock asked, returning with a tray for both him and Jim.
"The way Jim's blushing about letting slip that you two are the most surprising un-understandable, but still most likely couple on this ship," Uhura laughed.
"I was not aware that it was a secret until now," Spock said quietly, looking sideways at Jim who mumbled something about people ‘minding their own damn business' and he had difficulty suppressing a smile.
"Well it isn't anymore," Jim grumbled.
"Aww, don't be embarrassed Jimboy," Bones chuckled. "We all knew you're a lovey-dovey guy under all the bluster."
"And just think, it's all because this little idiot said that everybody's Russian," Sulu ruffled Chekov's hair. "Glad to know we're not the only Alpha shift couple."
"Everybody's... Russian?" Jim asked slowly, reverting to his normal colour and sitting down.
"Don't ask," Chapel said. "It's just Chekov being cute."
"Right," Jim shrugged and Spock sat next to him. He had feared that McCoy or possibly even Uhura would have been merciless in their teasing had they known about him and Spock, but it appeared that they really were just one big happy family. And apparently, Jim thought vaguely as he dug into his lunch, leaning subconsciously into Spock, they were all Russian. That was a question he'd need to ask Chekov later.