- Text Size +

 Kirk, McCoy, Sulu and Spock were gathered around Uhura’s workstation and they were all staring warily at small recorder device lay in the middle of the table. “This song might interest you all!” Uhura said with a mischievous smile and hit play

 

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Sulu looked affronted, “I beg your pardon! It’s right there!” he said pointing at large red button clearly labelled “Reverse”

Uhura said “Shut up! I heard my name!!”

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Spock raised a slanted eyebrow “Interestingly casual use of the captains nickname Lt. Uhura.”

Uhura looked annoyed “Excuse me Mr Spock as you have heard me sing many times you must know that is not my voice….”

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

Uhura shrieked with laughter at that and McCoy chuckled and said “Interestingly casual use of the captains nickname Mr Spock.”

 Spock raised an eyebrow (yet again and said “Dr McCoy, may I remind you that you yourself use that name most of all of us here…”

“Reeeaaally? You suuuuure it isn’t that you have a little crush on Jim here?” McCoy taunted

Spock just stared at him, though his cheeks seemed to highten slightly in colour “If you judge people’s affection for the Captain by how many times they use his nickname then you must be engaging in sexu-“ Uhura clapped her hand across his mouth “He’ll murder you if you finish that sentence! And here comes my bit!”

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

McCoy took the opportunity to start yelling at Spock as Kirk’s jaw hit the floor. Had Spock really just implied…

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Sulu started yelling about how he was a navigator so the insinuation that he wouldn’t be able to find Reverse was deeply insulting and then….

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

McCoy’s mouth hung open in horror, Uhura and Sulu lost it completely and started rolling on the floor. Spock allowed a small smile to flit across his face and Kirk chuckled behind his hand. Scotty walked and was greeted with…

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

“I..whats going on here?” Scotty said completely bewildered and was immediately shushed by everyone including Mr Spock.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Haha! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

“Oi! I object to that!” Said Kirk but with a smirk on his face. Scotty looked stunned, amused and slightly horrified as he looked at the recorder that this crazy song was issuing from

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Scotty let out a howl of laughter but quailed under the furious glare of Dr McCoy

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

“Nice voice Uhura!” Scotty said laughing his butt off by now, she shot him a filthy glare

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

“WORSE????” Sulu shrieked “Shut it.” Advised Uhura wisely “Oh and I do believe that here comes you bit  Mr Scott!” she said evilly. The Engineer paled

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye canna change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye canna cahnge the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Kirk threw up his hands “Why are the lot of you calling me Jim???”

Spock said “A fair approximation of your accent Mr Scott” and then the Vulcan realised that if eyes were phasers, he would have been long dead. As Scotty was giving him much the same look McCoy had been giving him earlier in the song.

Haha! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye canna change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

“Language Mr Scott! And to your captain as well!” Said Uhura, her eyes sparkling with amusement

“Tha’ wasn’t me lass!” Scotty howled

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

McCoy scowled “That stupid voice! Don’t they have any idea what my voice actually sounds like??”

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

*Big Explosion*

“NOOOOOO!” Screamed Scotty “Mah poor wee ship!!” Everyone stared “You do realise it’s just a song, right?” said Captain Kirk warily, edging himself towards Spock, away from Scotty

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

The song came to an end and everyone sat there very quietly, except for Scotty who had actually started crying about ‘losing’ the Enterprise even though it wasn’t even real. Kirk looked even more freaked out and leaned so far away from Scotty that his chair tipped over and he flipped right into Spock and they both fell to the floor.

A giggle sounded from Uhura’s direction and she stage-whispered “I dunno about Spock having a thing for Kirk but I reckon Kirk rather likes Spock!” Kirk kept his eyes shut and tried to figure out what she meant and then realised that he hadn’t actually hit the floor. He was lying on something soft and warm…something that was breathing.

“ARRRRGH!!!!” Kirk’s yell echoed throughout the Bridge as he leapt off Spock. Sulu stared at the two of them blushing furiously “We need to lock them into a store cupboard together somewhere.” He hissed to Scotty

“Aye laddie, are you in doctor?” Scotty asked

“You bet. Hmmph! Vulcans have no feelings..Pah as if!!” McCoy whispered disdainfully

Uhura grinned “Oh you guys will need a woman’s touch in these affairs I reckon!”

And then the four of them left to scene and plot the matchmaking of the Captain and his First Officer

 

 

 

You must login (register) to review.