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Story Notes:

Definitely more cracky and OOC than I usually write, but that’s about it.
 This is not beta’d so all mistakes are mine.

Jim lay on the bed in the delivery room.

“Come on, babe, you gotta push.”

Jim gritted his teeth and tried to squeeze his mate’s hand with strength equal to the contraction that had just assaulted his midsection.

“Please, babe, you’re gonna break my hand.”

“Good,” he ground out. “I told y-you-” A gasp cut off his words.

“I know you didn’t want another one, but just look so cute preggers.” Spock’s eyes twinkled.

“O-only if you like cows.”

“Okay, Jimbo, I need you to get ready to push again.” Jim took a deep breath and then bore down.

“How much longer?”

“Not too long now.” Bones reached into the birth passage and smiled. “I can feel the head.”

“See, Jimmy.” Scotty was grinning at him from behind the digicorder. “Everyone loves a new baby.”

Jim wondered how far he could shove the recording device up Scotty’s a-

“I so excited!” Nyota squealed as she jumped up and down clapping her hands.

“Oh God. Jim arched up from the bed. “Here comes another one.”

“Big push… big push.” There was a pause. “It’s crowning. Now on the next contraction, bear down as hard as you can.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Jim bore down with all his might until, finally, he heard a piercing squall.

Spock kissed him on the cheek. “He’s beautiful.”

“Awwww,” Scotty said recording for posterity.

Nyota was still bouncing and clapping. “He’s soooooo cute.”

“Here you go, sweetie.” Chapel put the wrapped bundle in Jim’ arms. He turned back the blanket to get the first glimpse of his child. He looked at the child, blinked and looked again.

“Ummm, t'hy'la… is something wrong with his color?”

Spock was all teeth. “You’re such a joker. Of course he should be that color.”

Jim brows wrinkled in confusion. “Scotty?”


“The holes…”

“Silly…” said the filming pink Scotty Star. “How would he breathe if he didn’t have the holes?”

“That’s right,” added Nyota Puff.


“Well howdy, my darlin’ sponge, what are y’all as keyed up as a turkey on Thanksgiving for?”

“Spock?” He looked down at himself and saw…

…the tie…

…the shirt with sleeves on his arms….

…the squarepants…

He opened his mouth to scream, “NOOOOOOOOOO….” Instead “haaaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa haaaa.”

“No!” Jim popped up in bed.

Spock rubbed his eyes and intoned, “Lights up 50%?”

He looked over and took in the sleepy gaze, the tousled hair and the heavily pregnant belly.

Jim shivered. “I just had the most horrid dream.”

“What type of dream, ashal-veh?”

He rested his hand on the swollen mound. “I dreamed that I was Spongebob, and you were Sandy Cheeks.”

His mate nodded. “Really?”

Jim grinned. “Scotty was Patrick and Nyota was Mrs. Puff.”

Spock’s raised his right eyebrow.  “Fascinating, however, I don’t think that you should inform our best friends about such a transformation.”

“That’s not the worst part.”

“Oh yeah.” He took Jim into his arms. “What was the worst part?”

“I just gave birth.”


“To Spongebob!”

Spock tightened his embrace. “Jim, you will no longer be allowed to consume mass quantities of tacos before bedtime.” He smiled and wrapped six of his eight tentacles around his mate. “And you are forewarn your cousin Squidward, of your decision to never fill in for him during his scheduled absences from his place of employment.”

“ Lights, down to 15%”, Jim reached out an appendage to straighten out the sheets, and then snuggled close.

“Yeah. Mr. Crabs doesn’t pay enough for a Squid to afford a Krabby Patty.”

The end.


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