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Author's Chapter Notes:

So, this turned into something completely different than what I had in mind. Originally it was supposed to be short non-slash story with horror elements, but then I decided to write it for my Captain, who likes hurt/comfort slash and.. yeah. Completely different.

 

 

"Get the fuck out of there!" Kirk yelled at the two Lieutenants who were trying to take cover in the clearing, his voice raspy with all the dust and sand gathering in his throat.

This was certainly not what he expected. Mission gone awry was nothing new - there were actually jokes about the "sensors picked up no life forms on the planet but boom - there they are, and they're pissed" scenario circulating around the Federation. But this wasn't the case - it hardly ever was, actually. Such cases were very rare and never happened on ships like the Enterprise, where the crew was always prepared for the unexpected.

This, however, they were not prepared for.

Complete, and absolute slaughter.

His communicator has been destroyed during the fight and Kirk bitterly swallowed all the jokes he used to tell people as a cadet, along with his own blood and the ever-present muddy air.

All around him he heard shrieks of pain and terror, the wind carrying sweet taste of burning flesh and alien blood. He didn't feel his own wounds, he just needed to find some way to get everyone out of there.

Everyone that was left.

He clasped his panic before it could get loose and instead concentrated on the aim of his phaser. How long were they here, anyway? Three minutes? And two people were dead already. That mere thought would shock him into inability to move at a different time, but right now he was the Captain and he had responsibility for the rest. He shoot other two Klingons and lured other four away from the remains of his crew.

And then it got bad.

More Klingons appeared, and he couldn't think of a way to overpower so much of them. He could almost hear Spock's voice calmly telling him that "the only logical choice now would be to retreat", so he came up with a plan quickly and signaled it to others before it hit him. Where was Spock? He always kept his officer in his field of vision, when did he sneak out of it?

That one second of panic was fatal.

First he felt excruciating pain in his right leg and before he could even comprehend what it meant, he fell into warm puddle of some liquid. His last thought before he blacked out was the realization that the liquid was his own blood.

 

***

 

When Kirk came around, the first thing that popped up in his brain was his difficulty with breathing. Right after that more of his brain woke up, and dread crept from his very core to every particle of his body - what happened to his crew? Did they make it in time? Which was closely followed by his terror beginning to rise into even higher levels by the thought of Spock.

It took him a minute before he realized that someone was holding his arms, pinning them into the soft floor underneath him. The owner of the hands clenching him was probably also in the possession of that faint voice, which had a yelling quality to it, but Kirk just couldn't hear it well enough to understand what it was saying. Or maybe it was because all the noise just blurred into one big "Where is Spock?" in his head.

Then a cold feeling raced through his veins, taking residence where the panic was not so long ago, and he felt his body relax. His brain started rebooting itself as well, this time more rationally. He wasn't lying on the floor, it was a bed. Judging from the pain, he wouldn't be surprised if it was his favourite bed in the sickbay. The tiredness was overwhelming, but Jim managed to open his eyes, blinking the irritation out of them and concentrating on McCoy's face.

"Finally." The doctor snarled, but judging by his expression and the way he was still holding Kirk's arms, it was easy to tell how relieved he was to see his friend alive.

"You have to wait for the best things." Choked Jim out even as he watched Bones' face become the one of great disapproval. The view made him grin, but it didn't last long.

"Bones.. what happened?"

It was the doctor's turn to frown. He was quiet for a while, covering Jim with the blanket he managed to shake off. "They are alive, Jim. You made it, you get them out of there. It almost cost you your leg, but I'm a miracle worker after all, so-"

"Spock." Jim interrupted him, eyes shining with tension.

McCoy was quiet again, as if thinking. That wasn't good in Kirk's book. Something happened to Spock. The calming hypo he was given few minutes ago lost it's effect as every muscle in his body started to burn, while his blood cells froze and his tendons started crushing his bones, choking him. Spock was dead. He felt as his stomach turned over, forcing vomit to his throat, but he calmed it down as his brain exploded into the pile of utter chaos. Spock Spock Spock what am I going to do without Spock? Spock! He was so young, he shouldn't have died, Spock, my Spock, my best friend, the only one, Spock, Spock why Spock, why Spock why you please don't leave me, no, not him, not Spock, Spock, no, please, please-

The hands were pinning him down again, shaking him slightly, the voice comforting this time.

"Shhh, Jim, sorry, I didn't want to scare you, Spock's alright, everything's alright."

James tried to breath, but he couldn't, he felt like if all the air was sucked out of the room, leaving only vacuum behind. McCoy muttered something in consternation, stabbing another hypo to Kirk's neck. Then he put his hands on Jim again, trying to calm him.

He gasped for air, breathing heavily.

"Jim, I'm really sorry, it's okay, Spock is okay, it's all going to be okay.."

Kirk was trying to process it, his mind getting used to the universe with Spock in it again. Bone-deep drowsiness fell upon him.

"Are you okay, man?" Bones asked, both his face and voice openly full of concern now.

James took another breath. "Yes, I'm just.. I'm just so tired, Bones.." he answered with shaky voice, wanting to grow together with the bed and sleep forever.

"I know. Just rest now, it will all be better once you wake up." He didn't have to say it twice, because as the last word left his lips, Jim was already asleep.

 

***

 

He was warm. His skin felt a little itchy, but he was safe and content to just lie where he was to the end of the days. And he would, if it wasn't for the soreness in his knuckles. Did Bones put something heavy on them by accident? No.. it felt more like if he was clutching something..

His heart jumped.

Someone. He was definitely clutching someone.

Jim opened his eyes, only to have his heart go through another little cardiac arrest.

"Spock.." He breathed out, almost as in disbelief. The Vulcan gave him a small nod, eyes full of kindness. "Good morning, Captain."

The baritone washed over Kirk, simultaneously being too much and not enough. He felt the Chaos approaching him again and brought Spock's hand to his face, placing it gently across it, brushing his lips over the palm. "Spock, tell me that you're alive. Tell me that you're okay." He already knew the answer, felt it on his face, but had to ask nonetheless.

"I am, James."

Silence filled the room. At first it was comfortable, but as the dizziness of sleep and drugs started uncovering Kirk's brain, his face heated up. Okay, so.. this was totally embarrassing. But I guess I could lay the blame on the painkiller? Yes. Drugs made me do it. Totally not my fault. This was completely innocent act of drugged man. When I think about it, it's absolutely and completely Bones' fault. Yes. Of course... Oh my god I still have his hand on my face.

"Uh.. sorry" mumbled Kirk as he lifted the Vulcan's hand from his face and laid it awkwardly on the edge of the bed. "It's.. you know, the drugs, and.. yeah." Is my face actually on fire? Because it sure feels like it.

"Dammit Jim, stay calm for five minutes, would you?" McCoy's head popped into the room "I have some paperwork to do and you're not the only patient in here!"

Once the doctor disappeared again, Jim became aware of the smile forming on his own lips. Nothing killed - both unwanted and wanted - mood like the good doctor did.

Everything went smoothly after that. They talked with their usual ease and Spock even updated Jim on the ship's status - in codes, of course, otherwise he would be kicked out by the local monarch.

 

***

 

This. Was. Torture.

It clearly had to be, Kirk couldn't explain it otherwise. He never felt so helpless in his life, the mental pain was so over-powering that it bordered with the physical one, making his body tense, tremble, his fingers dig into armrest of his chair.

It made him ask a lot of questions - Why was the Universe so unfair? Why was the Universe so evil? Why was the Universe so downright mean?

But most of all - Why was Spock's ass so fuckable?

He dug his nails into the chair with even more force. You can't touch. No, you can't. I said you can't so just stop thinking about it, you are a Captain, dammit! Kirk forced his eyes to the screen in front of him, but it somehow didn't help, the picture of his First Officer's behind already burned firmly into his traitorous mind.

Jim started to be angry with himself. Why can't I just stop thinking about him? There's so much to concentrate on, all the new words, new civilisations.. and yet all my mind is busy with is just one individual. The one that was so close, just a few steps away, and yet the one he couldn't have. And it wasn't even like he wanted to just have him, at least not only for a while. He wanted to be with him, be part of him, and all that for forever. But, it wasn't possible. Jim knew Spock was capable of love, but not like this, not with him. They were friends for too long and he knew his friend, there was a lot of love between them, but it was only the brotherly kind. From his First Officer's side, of course. The thought surrounded his heart and squeezed it so tight James wondered the fragile organ didn't break.

But then again, it made him happy as well. Yes, he was on the sad coast of one-sided love, but he never felt so strongly for anyone in his life, and it completed him. He was glad to be Spock's friend, and even if it had no chance of progressing any further, it was enough. He will just contentedly love him for the rest of his life, stand by him, be his faithful friend. Because Kirk knew that there was never going to be second someone. It's either Spock, or nothing.

The Captain of the Enterprise smiled happily, relaxed in his chair and watched the stars running around them. All is going to be well.

 

***

 

The Captain of the Enterprise was furious. He stood in front of Spock's door, lips curled into very dissatisfied curve, his fists clenched tightly as Aldebaran shellmouth. It was 0400, he was tired and tired and oh. So. Tired. He punched the door again, not caring if Spock was asleep - if he couldn't sleep, Spock sure as hell didn't deserve it either.

Finally, the doors swooshed open, revealing Spock in his night-robe. The poor Vulcan didn't even manage to ask what was happening, before Kirk stomped past him into his quarters. Then he just stood there, waiting for Spock to collect himself.

"Can I do something for you, Captain?" The brow that was raised since the doors opened was still up, and it didn't seem like it was going to have a break soon.

"We need to talk." answered Kirk, his voice determined, his eyes looking sharper with the rings under them.

Spock nodded in acceptance of his fate. "Very well. You can - as you humans say - go on."

"I love you." Jim said seriously and without any embellishing.

Spock stared at him.

He stared at Spock.

The one eyebrow shivered slightly before lowering.

James still stared at him just waiting for his verdict, wanting to get it over with, not really caring about anything anymore.

"As I do you." Said Spock finally.

James still stared him.

Then he seemed to realize that Spock said something, and his stern face became bemused. "I... could you say that again?"

"I said" Spock came closer to him "that I reciprocate your feelings." He put his hand on the side of Jim's face, caressing his cheek with the thumb.

Jim blinked at him confusedly. Spock couldn't help but smile a little at how adorable his Captain was at that moment - sleepy, confused, golden hair ruffled from rolling on the bed the whole night, saggy T-shirt with motif Spock didn't understand only highlighting the fact.

"Oh, okay then" said Kirk, still slightly out of it, but not looking so confused anymore, more like if he was sleep-walking. "Can I sleep at your place tonight? I can't fall asleep at mine."

"Of course, Jim" Spock didn't even try to hide his amusement, and lead the disoriented Captain to his bed. He lifted the blanket, waited until James laid himself down and then covered him with it again. Once he thought James was tucked in well enough, he went to the other side of the bed and stretched himself next to Jim facing his back and took the human in his arms.

"Good night, James."

"'nigh Spk"

Spock watched the sleeping form leaning into him before he ordered the lights to turn off and then he watched some more.

 

***

 

Was he even waking up? Because waking up has NEVER felt this good, and James T. Kirk had some very good mornings in his life.

Everything was warm, and soft, and he wanted to nuzzle himself into the perfection, so he did, because this had to be a dream and you can do whatever you want in your dreams. And true to his word, the dream got even better - strong warm hands caressed his torso over the T-shirt he wore, and the friction felt very dreamy indeed. But it would be even better if the hands - yes. Those silky fingers slipped under the hem of the fabric and slided over his stomach lovingly, then his chest, and... ohhh. This was the best dream ever.

Then a warm air puffed against his ear and he heard the most beautiful voice in the whole universe.

"This is not a dream, ashaya."

Jim stirred slightly and turned over to look where the voice came from.

Oh.

Oh oh oh oh.

That graceful hand that was caressing him few second ago stroked his hair. "Don't worry Jim. Nothing bad happened."

And who was Jim not to believe that beautiful voice?

The memories of last night started filling his brain, along with the blood filling his face.

"Why am I always so embarrassing around you?" James asked, his question muffled by the pillow he buried his head in.

Spock thought about it. "I wouldn't call it embarrassing. It was.. adorable."

"Yeah, that's what I just said."

Jim felt warm lips press to his temple and he instantly melted. "You don't have to do anything, ashalik. At least not yet. Just relax." whispered Spock while he rolled his Captain's T-shirt up.

The kisses traveled down his neck to his newly exposed spine, and slowly began to cover his whole back.

It was definitely the best morning in James T. Kirk's life.

 

***

 

"Care to run it by me once again?" McCoy did the funny thing with his eyebrow that he probably caught from Spock and crossed his legs dramatically.

"I'm.. with Spock."

"Like.. together?"

"Yes, like together together." Kirk rolled his eyes.

"Dating." The doctor couldn't help but try to clarify it more and more, making his friend feel more and more awkward by the minute concurrently.

"I.. I wouldn't put it exactly like that. It's more than that."

"Married?"

"No. Not.. yet. I... hey, it's really hard to put to words, not to mention put a label on it. I love him, he loves me, we are in love together. It's not some one-night stand, and not even hundred-nights or thousand-nights stand, it's a forever-stand and not limited only to bed." Jim spilled out and took a deep breath.

McCoy just stared at him with that raised eyebrow, which was obviously invented to mock him in all its forms.

"Oh god, why did I even go to you with it." James groaned, realizing his mistake and all the teasing that was about to come.

Bones got up and went to his "secret" stash of alcohol, taking unmarked flask and pouring it into two shots, instantly throwing one down his neck and pushing the other in Kirk's direction. "I'm sorry kid, I didn't mean to poke at you like that. I know you have it bad for the hobgoblin, but someone has to be the voice of reason since you don't have one yourself. And no one on board this ship has enough alcohol to do that except me. So, let's talk this out. I get that you're deep in it, but how deep?"

Kirk sighed. "The deepest possible. O impossible. I couldn't live without him, Bones."

The gravity of Jim's voice shocked the doctor slightly. He poured himself another shot before reacting verbally. "But you have to understand one thing, Jim. You both have pretty risky jobs. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but.. you have to be aware of the possibilities. What if he dies during the mission? What will you do?"

The question angered Kirk, but he calmed himself quickly, understanding Leonard's motive. "I.. I don't know. I know I should go on, but.. I'm not sure I would be able to."

Bones pierced him with his eyes and then sat beck down. "Just think about it. And talk about it with the 'goblin too, if it helps." With that, Jim has been waved off of the office and into the corridor.

 

They never talked about it.

 

***

 

James Tiberius Kirk was the happiest man in the whole Universe. Granted, he didn't know all the other people in it to judge, but he had a suspicion that he was right anyway.

Because who else had this beautiful Vulcan lying next to them, tangled in sheets and snoring slightly, even when he claimed that Vulcans "do not snore, Jim."
James shifted himself, so he was lying on his lover's back and turned his head to watch the sleeping face. Spock spent the whole last night in laboratories and needed his sleep, so he wasn't going to wake him... yet. All he was going to do now was observe. The captain started cataloging every inch of the body under him with his eyes, before he noticed that the eyes probably weren't enough anymore and his finger was helping them, tracing the graceful features. Just as he was decorating those wonderful ears with invisible patterns, the eyelashes of his bedding fluttered, before revealing his lover's eyes, automatically focused on him.

"Good morning, beautiful" Jim smiled and kissed the corner of Spock's lips.

"Good morning." Spock answered, his voice a little raspy from sleep.

"Did I wake you up?" the human asked, mask of innocence set firmly in place.

"No, it was merely the time to wake already." Spock turned around, gathering his bedmate in his arms.

"Oh, so you set your inner clock to 0637? What an unusual time, Mr. Spock!" Kirk grinned, intertwining their fingers.

The Vulcan raised his eyebrow and Jim laughed out loud, leaning even closer into the warm body.

Once the consequences of his good mood quieted down, James looked into his First's eyes and without thinking - as was often the case with him - asked:

"Would you like to bond us?" As soon as the words left his mouth, Kirk regretted them. What was he thinking? They were together only for a few weeks!

"I would." Spock's voice brought him back to reality, which somehow didn't feel all that real anymore. "But are you sure you want it? Do you know what it involves? It would be forever."

"Forever doesn't sound long enough." Jim breathed, astonished, and took Spock's hand from where it rested on his hip, placing it on the side of his face instead.

Spock looked.. wonderful. His skin had slight green tingle to it, most prominent on his cheeks and ears, his hair still dishevelled, eyes gazed over, the sharp features of his face melting with the feelings he didn't even bother to keep inside so much around Jim anymore. "I will establish a link. For a full bond, we will have to go through a.. ceremony. If that is what you want."

James just hissed in agreement and closed his eyes, seeping into that wonderful place that was Them through Spock's fingers once again.

 

***

 

"The sensors caught up some unidentified object." Professional voice carried the news through the Bridge.

"Then try to identify it." Captain prompted. "Sulu, get us closer to it, but only so we can have a good look on it, not the other way around."

"Aye, Captain."

In seconds, the screen in front of them was filled with a breath-taking vision.

"I believe it is a spaceship of some kind - there are no records of it in our data banks."

"Thanks Spock. Try to get as much from it as possible."

The hull of the spaceship - if it indeed was one - was long and slender, the surface rough, as if it was made from other little spaceships.

 

***

 

After the data was collected - there wasn't much of it, not even the Enterprise's equipment could get through the ship's surface easily - reports were sent to Admiralty. It was a great discovery and Kirk suspected the Admirals would want to know more, so they didn't move from their position yet.

And really, later that day new orders came through.

It wasn't quite what Kirk expected. Not that he didn't want to beam over the unknown ship and see if there was someone aboard, hostile or not, but.. he had a bad feeling about it. Deep inside, he hoped they would just have to wait until some science vessel arrived and took care of things, his crew just waiting if there was something to help with, but not directly intervening.

But orders were orders. He didn't have to play exactly like they told him to, but he still had to be a good actor.

With a sigh, Kirk filled in the required paperwork and started preparations for the inevitable.

 

***

 

Once aboard the unknown vessel, the bad mood started to fade away quickly. He tugged at the link in his head and watched as Spock shot an eyebrow his way. It was very comforting to feel his lover inside his mind constantly and Jim couldn't wait for the full bond. The news of their "engagement" spread unbelievably quickly around the ship and there was a great surprise-party last evening, where he got Spock drunk and generally had one of the best days in his life.

"There is no harmful substance in the air, but I would still suggest caution, Captain." Spock said, not looking from his tricorder, already immersed in his job.

"Very well. Leave the suits on." Kirk commanded and the team - composed of him, his First Officer, Chief Engineer, two scientists, nurse and two security officers - moved forward into the more complex part of the alien ship.

The interior was even more confusing than the exterior at first, but as they walked further and took more readings, the mechanism started making sense. Whatever race built it had to be more advanced than most they ever came into contact with.

"I believe we are on the Bridge of this vessel at the moment." Spock commented and as Kirk looked around he agreed that it really couldn't be anything else. This bridge looked different than the one he spent his working days on, but it clearly was one nevertheless. On the opposite side of the non-functional screen was a strange spheric object with what looked like three seats, only too narrow for a human to sit in. He came closer to it and all of sudden felt the urge to command this ship. The idea stunned him, but he cleared his head of it. The vessel was incredible after all, no captain would just wander around it without the desire to give it a try. Shaking his head, he crossed the room to look over the strange controls. Were they even controls? He touched his hand to the metallic cover, careful not to press anything. The lights were blinking dimly at him at first, then started to blur. He caught the edge of the device more firmly as his legs swayed. What's happening?

As quickly as it came, it disappeared. Okay. Easy. Kirk took a deep breath and went to Spock, looking at his work over the taller man's shoulder, before he wandered to explore on his own again. As he came near the doors, the dizziness seized him again and he looked at Spock quickly.

"Yes, I feel it as well, Captain." was all Spock said before his knees gave up and the Vulcan fell on the floor.

"Spock!" the captain yelled and set out to go after the Vulcan, but the space around him spinned and he felt himself collapsing to the floor too. The pounding in his head was unbearable, the blood covering his face intensifying the irritation - where did the blood come from anyway? His mouth? His eyes? It coloured his vision, filled his nose, his mouth, trying to choke him with his own taste.

Spock's body was perfectly unmoving, before it clenched itself in spasm, making its owner cry out in pain. The sound cut through Jim in a way he never felt before and he started crawling to his lover. Spock, don't worry Spock, I'll get to you, I promise, it's going to be okay, Spock, Spock, Spock

As he stretched his fingers in effort to grasp Spock's arm, he heard Scotty's shaken voice asking for beam, but he didn't really understand. He just needed to get to Spock, only a few centimetres left and he would be with him, he would help him, Spock-

And then he disappeared.

 

***

 

The muddle in his brain merged into an attack of colours, shapes, lights, tastes, noise and fragments of thoughts that repeated themselves over and over like a mantra. It hurt and he wanted to yell, but he couldn't because the shards of chaos cut through his throat and oh my god, he didn't have a head, where was his head?

There was someone bending over him, yelling again, and he wanted the racket to just finally cut away all his limbs and leave him to die, because if he had to live in this pain a second longer his head would explode, which would be actually good as well, and it meant he had his head after all, but he didn't want to have it any longer.

Some new stabbing and throbbing added to the symphony and he tried to out-yell it all.
"Where is Spock? Spock! WHERE IS HE?!" He wasn't sure if someone heard him, and if they did, he didn't catch the answer anyway. He needed his answer.

He needed his answer.

He needed... sleep.

 

***

 

"Where's Spock?" was the first thing Jim asked when he realized he woke up in sickbay again. Every cell in his body burned and tried to jump out of it, but he needed to hold it together for a little longer, just a few seconds, just to know..

"Bones, where's Spock?" He asked again when he didn't get his much needed answer, knowing the doctor stood next to his bed. "Where is he?"

"He's right in the next room, Jim." The low voice said quietly and then he felt hypo being administered to his oversensitivied neck. "Sleep some more, boy."
Kirk wanted to argue, but was taken down before he could voice his protest.

 

***

 

"Just let me go to him, dammit!" James yelled, his temper raised to the highest level possible already.

McCoy caught him by his shoulders "I can't, Jim! He's still not stable enough!"

Jim pried the doctor's hands off "So tell me! Tell me what's wrong with him! He's been in there for almost a week now and I have no idea what's happening! Tell me or I swear to god I'm going to burst in there without your consent!"

Leonard caught him again, this time more firmly, painfully, sitting him down on the chair. "Damn, okay, just.. jesus. Give me.. give me a while." The doctor passed his hand over his sweating hair and tried taking in even breaths. He really didn't want to do this, but..

Jim felt the tears racing down his face. It was nearly two days since he was released from sickbay and still no one wanted to talk about Spock. Every time he brought it up, he got only nervous stares and even worse feeling in his gut. He needed to know what happened to him, he deserved it. He wasn't stupid, he knew there was something bad going on. Yes, Spock was alive, but not knowing what was happening to him was one of the most unnerving experiences of his whole life. Everything in him was dying slowly and only thing that could make it better was Spock himself.

"Listen Jim. This is not easy for either of us, but.. I guess you should know. I wanted to wait until everything was certain. To put it simply, Spock is... unresponsive. He suffered a great brain damage, and now-"

"Wait. Is he - he is alive, right?"

McCoy sighed sadly. "Yes, technically yes. But he is in something like coma, only while being awake. He can't talk, can't move, can't even really think."

It was already too much, but Jim needed to know even more. "And.. is he going to get out of it?"

Leonard was quiet for a while, putting his hand on Jim's shoulder heavily. "I don't know yet, kid. I don't know."

 

***

 

It was as if the Universe wanted punish Jim for the few weeks of happiness he had. Everything that could go down the drain went, and went quite quickly.

They now knew who that ship belonged to. N'Ghor. No one in Federation ever heard of them before, but they heard of Federation - and thought it would be nice place for their colony. Enterprise fought in countless battles, saw the planets that some of the crew called home not long time ago being destroyed. They lost so many worlds, so many lifes..

Spock still didn't come around. McCoy said that he never would, but he couldn't believe it. He could still tug at the link in his head sometimes, even if it was harder to find it than before. Once Spock woke up, they were going to get a proper bond and he wouldn't have to worry about it ever again, he was sure.

Then the N'Ghor attacked again and Starfleet crashed and burned.

James T. Kirk lost the last thing that he really had until then - the Enterprise.

 

***

 

The Colony of Surwgain wasn't a bad place to be. It was a small planet, 95% of it covered in slightly acidic water and the rest dusted with barren sand. They were able to make enough food for everyone though, and Jim's life wasn't that bad. He built a small house for himself and Spock and improved it over the time to perfection. Most people would still call it a shack in the past, but now it was - at least in his eyes - the family house he never dreamt of having.

He was just going to get some water from the purifier, when he walked into McCoy.

"Hello, Jim" the doctor greeted, features tired.

"Hi, Bones" Jim answered, happy to see his old friend. "How is it going today?"

Bones gave him a stern look. "You know how it is going. I'm running around this hell of a place since the dawn, checking on everyone before they board the shuttles. No one cares about my opinion anymore, but I want those people to survive the flight. Which brings me to the fact that you are the only one I haven't checked up on yet."

"Oh, there's no need to, Bonesy. Plus, I'm just going to get some water and then I have to be right back, I still haven't gotten Spock his morning kiss yet." James grinned, bouncing the bucket in his hands cheerfully.

The doctor gave him look even more serious than the one he had on his face before. "Jim, you know that Spock.."

"Spock's what? Huh?" Jim snapped, indignation shining clearly in his eyes.

"Jim.." The sorrowful voice made Kirk even angrier, but he fought it down. "Look Jim, just.. go get the water and be right home like you planned, okay? Maybe I'll find some time to check on you then, but if I won't come, just.. go to the pick-up point, okay? We need to get out of here as soon as possible, the N'Ghor is on the way and-"

"I know Bones. I know." Jim patted the man's shoulder and looked into his eyes. The sight made Leonard's breath stop for a while. Those eyes that were looking at him were so hollow and yet full of everything, determination being the most prominent. So solemn. Dead. And most of all- alive. It didn't make any sense to him, but he couldn't look away from those little black holes.

Jim stepped away, adjusting the bucket in his hands and continuing his travel. He turned around when he was few feet away and waved at Bones "See you later, friend!" His voice was cheerful once again, grin in place. But McCoy still couldn't brush off the sight of those eyes.

 

***

 

"Honey, I'm home!" Jim walked into their house and chuckled. He placed the bucket on the table in kitchen/living room, pouring some of it into two tin mugs, taking them with him as he walked to the bedroom.

"Are you thirsty? Because I sure am, the weather is horrible outside today. But then again, it probably feels just right to you, doesn't it?" He smiled, putting the mugs on the nightstand. "But before I'll give you the drink, there's something I should do." Jim bent over his lying lover, pressing his lips gently to Spock's. The feel made him purr slightly and he pulled away, lips curled up with affection. He sat next to him then, brushing his perfectly combed hair with his left hand, bringing the mug to those sweet lips with his right. "Drink up now. I wouldn't want you to get dehydrated, would I?"

After putting the mugs back to their correct place - Spock hated untidiness - Jim laid on the bed next to him and took his lover's hand in his, looking into the ceiling.

"It's all going to be okay now."

Bones wanted him to go to the shuttles. How could he even say something like that? He knew. He knew what the officers said about Spock. They didn't want to take him with them, claiming that the shuttles will be full already and they can't carry corpses around. How even could they? The memory ignited anger in him. He just didn't understand - Spock was alive, lying next to him, his breathing even, heartbeat like a rustle of wings. He extended his other hand, rolling on the shoulder slightly, to feel the music of Spock's life in his side. Yes, it was there. And it was as beautiful as ever. He relaxed on his back again, still holding Spock's hand in his, the other lying freely on the covers. He will never leave Spock. Never. If N'Ghor was about to come, they were going to face the attack together. As it was meant to be. Side by side, together to the end of their lives.

James smiled again and brushed the Vulcan's knuckles with his thumb. "I love you Spock. What about getting some sleep?"

He closed his eyes, feeling as happy as never before. The warmness in his core spread into the rest of his body, and he wanted to laugh aloud with all the amazing emotions that were racing through him, only thanks to this wonderful person that was now lying in his bed.

He was lost without him.

But now that he had him, nothing could ever go wrong again. He was complete. He was home.

 

Just as James Tiberius Kirk thought that, N'Ghor's fleet arrived to the Surwgain. As was their usual tactic, the vessels started to shoot enormous balls of fire-like substance, that incinerated everything on the planet's surface in matter of minutes.

 

"I love you, Spock." Whispered Kirk, before one of the flames hit their wooden house.

The house that James Kirk built for them.

The house that he knew they would live and die together in.

Like a family.

 

"I love you."

The hand squeezed back.

 

 

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

I hope there weren't mistakes everywhere, I'm not a native speaker and my wordPard doesn't point those out.

Anways, this story was named after this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQeFvUuPNHc

Hopefuly it was readable :). I certainly don't want to see or hear about slash for the rest of my life, but maybe it fits someone.

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