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Story Notes:

I always though this episode somewhat flawed to say the least so thought perhaps I could do something with it. 

Author's Chapter Notes:

It has been on hell of a day, it can only get better.

James Kirk released a huge sigh of relief as he heard the door to his quarters swish closed behind him. He sank to his knees, unable to summon the strength to move another single step further. His head felt like a train wreck, not a sensation he was accustomed to, after all he was  the infamous young captain of the star ship Enterprise,  flag ship of Star fleet. Now however all  his swagger and bravado deserted him, he was nothing more than a heap of  flesh and bone, drained and exhausted.

The day had been clusterfuck from start to finish. With his consent an alien life form had "borrowed" his body, that of his first officer and that of crew member Mulhall. 

On reflection what had there been in that scenario that could possibly have gone pear shaped!

The plan to lend the disembodied life forms his human body and that of his crew members had been a risk, well no shit sherlock, and he had acknowledged that in his brilliantly persuasive piece of oratory. He had talked everyone round with his eloquent speech about the purpose of the voyage being to seek out new life forms, yada yada. Bones had been perfectly correct in voicing misgivings, but Kirk had over come every objection with his usual persuasive line in compelling tour de force.  Now his body felt as if he had been through a grinder and he could not remove 'that image' from his mind. The image of the globe that had for a time held the life force of his First Officer apparently destroyed, a smoking blackened shell, and then later, Spock's body lying apparently lifeless on the deck of the bridge. But in the space of a breath, a heartbeat, an eternity, Spock had stood there once more, alive and vital. Spock's consciousness had been kept safe within Christine Chapel for gods sake. Even in his exhausted state the irony of that was not lost on him and a groan of laughter escaped his lips. Whichever capricious god had been watching them today, that deity surely had a singularly overdeveloped sense of irony. 

 Since that moment when Spock had bounced to his feet unharmed, Kirk had found no time to speak with his First Officer, to acknowledge his relief, his joy in seeing his friend restored to life. Kirk had made a final "loan" of his body to Sargon, to allow the alien a corporeal form in which to share a final tender moment with his wife Thalassa before both life forms departed to oblivion. It was certainly going to be... uncomfortable working with Mulhall for a while.  Predictably Bones had demanded their immediate attendance in sickbay and Kirk sometimes to for the first time if he should not simply move in and claim a bio bed permanently as his own.

It had taken a considerable power of persuasion to get McCoy to release him to his quarters, on the strict understanding he stay there for 48 hours and sleep off the effects of the alien invasion of his body. Spock had asked for time alone to meditate and regain his Vulcan equilibrium, and not without guilt, Kirk realised how strongly, and selfishly he wanted the reassurance of his First Officers presence at his side. He knew Spock was not only his First Officer but also his best friend, and that their friendship had been forged in facing down so many dangerous missions. In that short time, when it had seemed that Spock's essence had been destroyed, Kirk had been conscious of the huge void that had opened before him. He had done his duty, destroying Spock's corporeal body, usurped as it had been by Henoch, but all the time a part of him had been screaming silently, raging against the overwhelming knowledge that this Vulcan, his Vulcan, was gone, with every hope for what might have been gone with him.

 He sighed and his body slumped further to the deck. He desperately wanted a shower but the bathroom might as well be in the next galaxy rather than just those few feet away. Even the comfort of his bunk seemed to be an unobtainable aspiration. Exhaustion washed over him like warm treacle and he knew he was close to the oblivion of sleep where he lay on that cold hard floor. Perhaps staying in sickbay would have been preferable, dear god, did he really just think that! 

From nowhere he felt the powerfull force of strong hands sliding beneath him, lifting him and carrying him to the bathroom. Nimble fingers undressed him with care and stood him beneath the warm restorative luxury of a hot shower. 

Kirk desperately tried to marshal the thoughts swirling in his head into some kind of order, the sort of order that could be articulated into words, even perhaps meaningful cogent sentences. Unfortunately when he spoke he simply voiced disjointed wibble, "Spock, you do not have to...I mean I am fine now I can manage from here.....there is so much I want to...need to, tell you." His words were cut short by a finger pressed firmly to his lips. 

 "Jim, please, be silent. There will be time tomorrow to talk, now you will rest and I will stay."


Kirk knew that he had neither the will or the strength to argue. The part of his mind that knew this course must lead only to folly, was overpowered by that part of his mind that wanted above all for Spock to stay. That pleasure oriented collection of brain cells was beating the living crap out of their counterparts, those higher cognitive functions that controlled the "captain strength" common sense he usually, so easily, deployed. All the other decisions he had made in the last 12 hours had turned to rat shit so what was one more dropped bollock amidst this fuck-up-fest. 

All further attempts at rational cognition were curtailed as Spock literally swept him from his feet and carried him to his bunk, placing him gently onto the mattress and covering his nakedness within the warm folds of a blanket. As he slid into the darkness and oblivion his abused mind and body craved, he felt an incredible sensation of love and well-being, somehow, from now on he knew it was all going to be fine. 

Hours passed, consciousness returned and Kirk's mind assimilated some unusual sensations. His body was lying against another, more angular being, two arms held him vicelike, warm steady breath caressed his neck and shoulder. Kirk lay unmoving as his mind  recalled the events of the previous day. Spock being dead then alive, Spock being there when he had most needed him, Spock being here in his bed. This was something that should feel wrong, something he should most asuredly stop, but in reality this was something from which no power in this galaxy or the next could make him pull away. He had slept better in the last few hours than had done for months and lying like this, in the arms of his friend, was not something he wanted to give up. Kirk quickly identified a number of conflicting matters that needed urgent address. His higher cognitive function was telling him that he needed to lie still so as not to bring about the cessation of the very happy place he was in. It was also telling him that a conversation needed to happen and soon, or at least maybe soonish, and that the out come of that conversation could, no, would, dictate the future pathway of his life...Ok no pressure there then. Most pressingly a certain part of his anatomy was screaming at him for attention. His morning glory was definitely responding to Mr Spock's proximity, and the pleasure centre in his brain was happily clubbing the higher cognitive function into submission, again. In defence of his rather enthusiastic appendage, it usually woke in the morning to be rewarded with diligent attention and of late the mental images accompanying this pleasant stimulation related mainly to the very real, very warm, very naked Vulcan, now lying so close. In truth Kirk's cock had every reason to be way more than cautiously optimistic.

Kirk's mental stocktake of options and variables was cut short by the low rumble of Spock's voice in his ear. 

 "You do not need to fain sleep captain, I will release you only if you wish it, and I am certain that at present you do not wish for release"

 Kirk could not stifle a laugh, "Spock, given our current circumstance perhaps you might call me Jim, and please believe me when I say that release is exactly what I need, but not from your embrace."

Assured that Spock was not going to withdraw the comfort of his arms, Kirk shifted his position slightly, sliding his hands to cover those of his new bedfellow. Skin touched skin and energy flowed between them. Jim had often teased Spock with touches, hands, shoulders, gentle brushes, ambiguously accidental contacts, but this move was deliberate, and undeniable. 

Spock's face was pressed against his head nuzzling at the sensitive spot behind his ear and Kirk could feel him breathing in the scent of hair and skin. He knew this attraction he felt so strongly was mutual, but how far did Spock want to take it, could he step back from this, could either of them?

Kirk heard Spock's voice again, a deep breathy rumble that sent shock waves of desire straight to his groin,

 "Jim, I believe last night I crossed the rubicon for both of us, there can be no going back, for myself at least I know I cannot"

 "You can read my mind?."

"You know I am a touch telepath, but that I usually shield the thoughts of others, not to do so would be an unforgivable intrusion, but here, now, your thoughts, your desires and your fears for where this might lead are so strong. I cannot help but know them, for they are mine also". 

Spock continued "But you must know, must understand from  this, for me, there can be no return, my feelings for you are profound and will not, cannot, change. Vulcans have a name, a word for the bond that is ours, T'hy'la, friend, brother...lover. We have been friend and brother for some time. Since my pon Farr I have realised my growing desire for you to be my lover. Yesterday, I felt your response to my supposed death and your overwhelming joy at my resurrection, it was just as I felt towards you after that time on Vulcan. Last night I felt your mind calling out to mine for help and comfort... I knew then it was... time."

Jim turned in Spock's arms, his face now resting in the crook of Spock's neck and shoulder, breathing in the exotic, intoxicating scent. He had seen often, in his minds eye, how his seduction of Spock might be. Gentle, persuading, passionate, intense, beautiful or sometimes vigorous, gladiatorial with one or other of them dominating and overpowering. Kirk's hands ghosted over Spock's back but Spock's hands rested on him heavily like heated stones. The touch of Spock's skin was so delightful, there was nothing feminine here, only strength, steel and fire. Kirk's erection, which had been waning, now sat up and started to take notice again. Kirk pressed his mouth to Spock's feeling a tremor run through his friends body. Spock's mouth responded tentatively, reserved, not pulling away but not fully engaging. Kirk pressed harder, more demanding now rubbing his chest against Spock's, feeling the coarseness of Spock's hair. Kirk sought out a nipple with his fingers, tweaking it, teasing a groan from his soon to be lover. Kirk's hand slowly began to move lower as his kisses became more urgent.  Kirk knew he could not last long and he needed to feel Spock's arousal, he knew one touch from Spock would send him crashing over the edge and he urgently craved for that extatic release to be mutual. But still Spock's hands remained motionless on his back, Spock's mouth tentative.

"Spock? Is something wrong? Am I wrong? Is this not what you want?" 

 Spock's molten chocolate eyes met Kirk's own, heavy lidded, his voice barely a whisper.

"Jim, I have never done this before, never chosen to let myself lose control, I do not know what will happen if I let my guard down. I thought I could maintain my control and still touch you, pleasure you, but I do not have the strength. Perhaps the events of yesterday affected me more than I realised, perhaps I need to wait until I can maintain my mental barriers more fully"

 Kirk's response was incredulous, "You mean you expect me to have you make love to me, while you lie back and think of Starfleet, or whatever you need to do to maintain your sang froid?  No way, we both deserve better than that. We have never feared to be truthful with each other and faced down the consequence, so for me it has to be all or nothing, I want you, all of you whatever that means." 

Yesterday Kirk had persuaded Spock to lend his body to a psychotic, sociopathic alien, with egregious intent. Yesterday was simply a trivial escapade compared to the enormity of the step they were contemplating now. 

Kirk could barely believe the desperation in his own voice, he had waited and hoped and had his greatest wish so nearly fulfilled, more prevarication was not something he could stomach, "please Spock, I know you won't hurt me, or at least not more than I can take,  let your barriers down, take me, make me yours, believe me when I tell you it is what I want. I want you for all that you are, wherever that leads for however long we have.  

A sound  came from deep within the Vulcan, a growl filled with lust, want and need. Before Kirk could register the frightening level of arousal this created within his own soul Spock had flipped him over onto his back, and was biting and nipping his skin, his neck, his chest. Spock's hand found Kirk's aching cock holding it firmly and pumping with quick sure strokes while thrusting his tongue into Jim's mouth. Kirk could no more hold back his orgasm than he could hold back a tsunami. He shouted out his release, his pleasure, "fuckspockfuckspockfuckyes". 

Kirk gasped for breath, his release had been explosive, but he realised Spock's need was as yet unfulfilled. Spock's cock was huge and hard, pressing against Kirk's thigh urgent and unforgiving. There was no doubt in Kirks mind what he wanted to do and he reached for the lube he kept by the bed  hoping Spock could hold himself together long enough to allow for some preparatory stretching before the physical intrusion of that phallus into his body. Spock's arousal was fierce but not as overpowering, as both had feared. Taking the proffered tube and squeezing the cool lubricant into his hand Spock lifted Jim's legs, pushing knees to chest, allowing access to the focus of his desire. Hot slick fingers slid between Jim's buttocks finding his entrance. As Spock experimentally slid one finger then two  inside Jim's tight arse, he groaned, head thrown back feeling the explosion of Stimulus on his sensitive fingers. The sight and sound of Spock's pleasure reignited the arousal in Kirk's spent cock which thrust itself forward with almost indecent enthusiasm. Spock could hold back no longer and removing his fingers embedded his cock into Kirk with one smooth powerful stroke. Kirk's back arched and he cried out in both pain and pleasure. For a few heartbeats both men appeared frozen, in a mutual stasis, gasping for breath and trying to regain some level of equilibrium. As so often happened their movements took on a natural complementary pattern as Kirk thrust up to meet Spock's rhythmic pumping. Brown eyes locked to hazel their gaze steady and unflinching as Spock reached for Kirk's face fingers finding the meld points with ease. There was no resistance, Kirk welcomed the touch of Spock's mind, both men now gasping, breath ragged, movements becoming wild, almost feral. They were both desperate for climax calling out each others name as orgasm swept both of them into a swirling oblivion of release. 

As conscious thought returned they lay in a tangled, sticky heap, unable to speak. They clung to each other savouring the closeness neither wanting to break the spell kisses and caresses giving reassurance, banishing doubt.

 Kirk gently kissed his lover, holding him close. There was so much he wanted to say, so many assurances he wanted to give, he wanted to give Spock every possible pleasure and explore every inch of his body, but all this could wait, there was time. This was simply a beginning. 






Chapter End Notes:

Please review, be kind this was the first story I wrote. If would like to follow this story further read Once again with feeling. 

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