No one wants to be alone on Valentines day
A/N: I know it's a couple of days early but it's finished so I’ll put it up.
It was Valentines day, a day dedicated to showering the one you love in gifts and passion, which sucks if you are on your own like Jim is.
Jim sat in the overcrowded mess hall, which had been turned into a horrendous and totally vomit inducing cheese-fest, the entire room was bedecked in pink and red streamers and there were lots of pictures of cupid on almost every surface and wall along with the stereotypical hearts, everyone was laughing and dancing, merriment shining in their eyes. Not that Jim was looking at the rest of the room, his gaze was fixed upon the one being whom he loved more than anything even (god forbid) his ship, but that person was currently in the arms of another, in the arms of someone who was so much better than him, so much more worthy. Uhura looked radiant, pregnancy obviously agreed with her and Spock, well Spock just looked breath taking, they were dancing in the centre of the room and all eyes were upon them as they were such a striking couple.
Everyday was hard when he saw them together but valentines day was just so much harder because it was just shoved in his face and nothing could make him feel better not alcohol and not another person.
Just when Jim couldn't take any more of their loving gazes upon on another, they broke apart from their embrace and made their way through the crowd and to presumably their shared quarters, that realisation felt like some one had taken a blade and stabbed it into his heart and then just for fun twisted it. Spock and Uhura had bonded on New Vulcan just over a year ago and they were still so obviously in love and that killed Jim. He had never been with a male before but all he could think about was Spock, about having him in his arms and loving him. It had taken a year since the narada for them to be considered friends, two years since they had become best friends and two and a half years for Jim to realise that he was in love for the first time, Jim had stopped his flirtatious ways when he became the captain of the Enterprise and before then Jim always kept his 'encounters' as strings free as possible.
Jim was just glad that there was less than a year left for the five year journey and that they were going to going separate ways (at least Jim hoped they were), he didn’t want to be selfish, he didn’t want there to be a day without seeing Spock but he couldn’t keep himself locked in hell, having Spock so close but yet so far.
Jim got up from off his seat and made his way back to his own lonely and cold quarters, he is stopped several times along the way by various crewmen and women who offer to share their bed with him but as always he turns them down, it might sound stupid or foolish but ever since he had realised that he loved Spock he had been unable to have a relationship or even a one night stand because it felt like he was cheating on Spock even though he knew that Spock was with someone else and he certainly wasn’t waiting for Jim.
Jim did think about calling McCoy to let him know how he was but he knew he looked a mess and that McCoy would notice that straight away. Ever since McCoy had taken an Earth posting nine months ago (to look after his daughter when Jocelyn had died, he didn’t want Joanna to be raised in space), Jim had started to lose weight and he was barely getting three hours sleep a night. He had no one to talk to about his feelings for his First Officer, he couldn’t even talk to Ambassador Spock who was living on the New Vulcan colony because Spock was worried about changing the time line even more.
Exhausted and lonely Jim climbed into his empty bed and closed his eyes hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Maybe when Spock leaves and gets promoted Jim would finally be able to move on rather than live on in this interminable limbo. When he realised that he wasn’t going to get any sleep Jim got out of bed and made his way to his desk, to grab the last of the sleeping pills Jim had been given by McCoy before he left, Jim took the pill and climbed back into bed and lost himself to the sweet darkness that overcame him.