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Assurances of the Truth

“What would have happened if, after the Plak Tow fight, if T’Pring had had to agree to be your wife?” Jim asked.

“Vulcan is, essentially, a Matriarchal society. She would, after a month, have been within her rights to ‘divorce’ me.” Spock explained. “And, though I’m sure it sounded to you as though she may have had no choice but to agree to have sex with me, the fact is that, a Vulcan wife is allowed to order her husband to go to the Healers, and ask for a legally found sex worker, to be found to partner him, even if his Pon Farr has not been completely burned away by the Plak Tow at their wedding ceremony.”

“So, what’s the Bond all about then, if not about love, in cases like that?” Jim braved asking.

“When we are betrothed as youngsters, it is nothing more than an agreement that we be adopted into each other’s families should something happen to our own. When we are in our late teens, we are taken back to see the Healers, and our minds are further introduced to one another. Pon Farr happens to a Vulcan anywhere from between twenty years old to thirty-five years old. Mine took two more years than standard, likely because of my half human physiology. Vulcans age at the same rate as humans, until we reach around the age of fifty Federation Standard years old. Then, a Vulcan’s ageing process slows.” Spock added.

“Yeah, I remember reading that that’s when it happens.” Jim noted.

Spock looked at Jim as intently as Jim was looking at him. The moment passed between them.

“What happens to a Vulcan if their spouse divorces them?” Jim asked.

“Then, said Vulcan would either look for a new spouse, or find some other arrangement during their times of Pon Farr. My father found my mother, sometime after his first wife divorced him.”

“I’m not asking because I want to hedge my bets, and figure out what if, should I ever divorce you.” Jim promised. “I am NOT going to do that. To be honest, why I ask, is this: I just can’t get it out of my mind, worrying about what kind of loveless life you would have led with that bitch, if she really did have to agree to be your wife after the fight. I don’t want to make you depressed, even repressively so, by talking about it; but my silly human heart persists on bleeding for you about all that. It’s not from pity, or from mind meld transference; it’s from me, and the fact that I hate that It was all so unfair, and it would, from the way I understand it, have carried on being terribly unfair.”

“Being given a loveless so-called Bond did not occur, Ashaya. You convinced me that I was still allowed to love you, and, what’s more, you made me admit to loving you. We started our relationship, and here, we are now together; with a Bond, both in the Vulcan, and the human sense of the word, that we truly cherish.” Spock spoke gently as he and Jim lay in bed together.

“So, the ‘Bond’ with T’Pring, because it had been placed between you by the Healer you saw all those years ago, it’s not the same as when it happens, at its own say so, between people like us who are in love?” Jim pondered. “Because the idea that if you still burned so painfully, or the next time you burned so painfully, she would have had no compassion for you, and would have thrown you out, in some way; I mean, I’m sorry to dwell on it, but I need to come to terms with it in my head, and I wouldn’t; I won’t, blame you, if you still need to, too.”

“There would have been nothing wonderful or particularly ‘alive’ and active about mine and T’Pring’s Bond, even after she agreed to be my wife; whatever or whenever the circumstances that unfolded around our ‘marriage ceremony’. It would have been there, in our minds, yes, and may, or may not, have caused us both pain, whether we divorced or whether we didn’t; but, we would have figured out something which would have meant that we could both carry on living. I doubt very much that I would ever have been able to prove myself to her, and thus, cause her to show any affection for me, even if only in the Bond, such as it would be.”

Jim soothed and caressed Spock’s arm, which was draped across him. “I won’t ever leave you; our Bond will always be here for you, no matter what we face out here in this world.” Jim gestured around the room, indicating the world beyond their joined selves. “I’ll never make you leave any home we have together You don’t even need to hypothesize about that. And, another thing, if you ever worry about calling me away from Starfleet Duties to help your during Pon Farr, you need to know that I’ll always have come up with a plan that means neither you, nor my crew, or this ship, has to be ignored. We’ve already talked about that a bit, haven’t we? Keep what I said, and what we decided, in mind; about what can be done to help you, should I get called away while we’re in the middle of sorting out your next Pon Farr.” Jim assured Spock.

“Yes, if we have already had at least one round of coitus, it should be possible to turn to medication to cope for a short period of time, until you can return to me.” Spock reiterated what they had spoken of earlier, to assure Jim, and himself, that he knew it.

Jim furthered; “If we ever have any problems, at any point or stage in our personal, or indeed, our Professional lives, I want us to face them together, and, no matter what choices we may face some day, we will be on the same page of our book ‘up here,’” Jim touched his and Spock’s psi points in turn, “and, I’ll make sure that you know that I love you, period. No matter what. I will always love you.” James T. Kirk promised S’chn T’gai Spock.

“And I you, Jim. I rejoice in the fact that we are T’hy’la; tu dena val, my Ashayam.” Spock pledged. “Apart from, because I know I failed you then, that one time, under the influence of Plak Tow, when I forgot who you were, through the burning cloud of that hormonally caused confusion - apart from that time, which nearly cost us both so dearly, I have always been devoted to you; although I know that ‘always’ is a very human term to use; from the moment I saw you, - from that moment, on so many levels, I absolutely knew of my duty to you.”

“You so did not let me down. “You clung on to your sense of self for as long as you could, which was a longer amount of time than most manage, judging by what T’Pau said.” Jim paused, and massaged the side of Spock’s nearest shoulder, by running his human, but still quite sensuous, fingers over it, tracing circular patterns on it that were invisible outside of their Bond. Jim then grinned. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” His smile deepened, and his tenderness ‘shot’ through him.

“I know, and I fully admit, that I respond to hearing you call me that.” Spock admitted.

“Does the fact that you react cause you shame?” Jim asked sympathetically.

“Only in that I believe it is evidence that I have what humans call, ‘a praise kink’.” Spock confided in his husband. “I need you to know that I respond to it fully as your husband and bond-mate; you are not being faced with a version of myself who has reverted to my childhood or adolescent days. I should, perhaps, not allow myself to be made out of all the days I have experienced before knowing you. I have no kink regarding parental figures, Jim, I assure you. I suppose there are many factors to the fact that I exhibit proof of having a praise kink, but I want you as my husband, my lover, my best friend, my brave colleague, and, yes, as my healer; though never as a walking aid to lean on, or any kind of a substitute or replacement for ‘things’ quietly grieved for in my past. You are perfect as you are. You have no need to worry about whether you can be all the things I need you to be. You already are Everything I need you to be. You are my T’hy’la; you answer me in every way.”

Jim blinked back tears, and leaned in to Spock’s touch, as Spock so gently wiped those tears away.

“Thank you, Jim. Thank you for loving me so very much. I will always endeavour to be everything you ever need me to be. You must tell me whenever you need something.”

With undeniable tears in his voice, Jim told Spock, “I need you. Just as you are, because you’re already my everything, too, and, you are all my answers. You help me so much.” He initiated both a human and a Vulcan kiss with Spock, and, this way, they ‘fell’ into love making again.

Both men were determined to show each other how very deeply they were loved by their T’hy’la, Marriage-Bond-mate, and Husband.

 

The End..? Written 12th/13th May 2017

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